Bloodstorm DVD Review

★★☆☆☆

Oh dear me.  I had such high hopes for Bloodstorm (2012), the new horror release from director Joseph J Lawrence starring Dominique Swain, Jake Busey, Josh Allen and Christopher Karl Johnson .  How could you go wrong with a heady, politically incorrect concoction of zombies and Nazis? Well, very, if this woeful outing is anything to go by.

In the wastes of Antarctica a group of scientists make an alarming discovery, deep beneath the ice and snow of this frozen landmass. Sixty seven years ago World War II did not end as the world was led to believe. Instead of the Nazi defeat, a platoon of storm troopers led by the infamous Dr Josef Mengele (Johnson) escaped with a prized cargo. In the interceding years Mengele has been abducting anyone with the misfortune to stumble across the Nazi's underground stronghold, and use them to continue his obscene human experiments.

With the bodies of various members of the latest unfortunates Mengele hopes to complete his ultimate experiment which, along with the army of zombie soldiers, will take him one step closer to realising his lifelong dream of establishing a Fourth Reich and his ultimate goal of world domination.

Can the young scientists stop the evil doctor and find their way back to civilisation? Will Mengele and his rotting troops be able to succeed where so many zombie Natzis have failed before? Does anyone really care?

Zombies and Nazis go together like Dr Frankenstein and his monster. Over the years in horror cinema the two have been brought together in unholy union on countless occasions - from the Peter Cushing chiller Shockwaves (1977) to the recent Norwegian comedy / horror Dead Snow (2009) - with varying degrees of success.

However Bloodstorm really does plumb new depths of tastelessness, both in subject matter and in your face gore. There is still something offensive when Nazis are used as a subject of entertainment like they are here - whether they should be seen in this context is still a contentious issue for many. However here it's even worse as one of the subjects used in the storyline are the infamous experiments carried out by Mengele. You then have the no holds barred gore which includes an abrupt take on a face lift where a man's old skin is literally peeled away, whilst one of the female scientists is subjected to a toe-curling abortion which makes the viewer wince for all the wrong reasons.

On the plus side the young cast enter into the proceedings with gusto, and their enthusiasm helps go some way to dispelling the utter preposterousness of the film as a whole. The production values, from a snow bound Antarctica and the shadowy Nazi lair beneath to the sinister gas-masked zombies and Mengele's gory amateur experiments, are all surprisingly well done, though they do little to soften the film's underlying air of grubbiness.

Alarm bells should have sounded when I discovered that the film had previously been marketed under the much catchier (ok, I'm kidding here) title of Nazis at the Centre of the Earth. There's always something suspect when a distributor suddenly changes a film's title at the last moment - what are they trying to hide? Well watch this and you'll soon see - I guess I really have no-one to blame but myself for agreeing to view it in the first place.

Cleaver Patterson

Rating: 18
Release Date: 06 August 2012 (UK)
Directed By: Joseph J. Lawson
Cast: Dominique Swain, Jake Busey , Josh Allen

Win Monster Brawl UK Premiere Tickets

Witness the ultimate “smackdown” event of all time as eight of the world’s most feared and famous monsters enter the ring to go head-to-head in a grotesque and hilarious fight to the death (or, in several cases, the “un-death”). It can only be the Monster Brawl (Momentum Pictures)…blasting onto DVD 20th August 2012.
On offer to some insanely lucky winners is a pair of tickets (per winner) to the premiere, yes PREMIERE, of Monster Brawl at the Prince Charles Cinema in Leicester Square on Wednesday 15th August introduced by the legendary horror writer Kim Newman. Fancy dress encouraged…but not mandatory! Doors open at 6pm with the film starting at 7pm.

We have 2 pairs of tickets for this event up for grabs and to win those tickets is to email us your name, address and in the email subject mater type "Monster Brawl". The email to send your entry is cinehouseuk@gmail.com Deadline for this comp is August 8th, 2012 (12noon).

Terms and Conditions

• This prize is non-transferable.
• No cash alternatives apply.
• UK  entries only, who can travel to and from London easily.
• No accommodation or transport are included, tickets only
  The Peoples Movies, Cinehouse and Momentum Pictures have the right to alter, delay or cancel this competition without any notice
• The competition is not opened to employees, family, friends of The Peoples Movies, Cinehouse,Momentum Pictures employees
• This competition is promoted on behalf of Momentum Pictures
• The Prize is to win tickets for London Monster Brawl premiere, 2 pairs
• To enter this competition you must send in your answer, name, address only, Deadline August 8th, 2012 (1200hrs)
• Will only accept entries sent to the correct email cinehouseuk@gmail.com, any other entry via any other email will be void.
• automated entries are not allowed and will be disqualified, which could result you been banned.
• The Peoples Movies, Cinehouse takes no responsibility for delayed, lost, stolen prizes
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• Unless Stated Please  Do Not Include Telephone Numbers, we don’t need them
• The winning entries will be picked at random and contacted by email
• By sending your entry for this competition you are confirming you have read and agreed to these Terms & Conditions.

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A Simple Life (Tao Jie) Review

★★★☆☆

For me, realism is an ugly word.

Mostly, this is because commenting on a lack of ‘realism’ is like a get-out clause for people who want to slam fantastical fiction, but are unable to think of a more valid criticism. Instead of commenting on narrative flow, story structure or character development, they choose to poo-poo aspects of a story that actually reveal creative ambition. Unreality is not a negative trait. Hell, it’s almost the opposite. I know about reality. I have to live here. In fact so do you, so tell me: is it really all that fun?

For those of you shaking your heads right now, prepare to be vindicated, because A Simple Life, today’s review topic, is a very realistic movie. It is also decidedly not fun.

A Simple Life is a film about a relationship. Roger (Andy Lau) is a film producer, living in Hong Kong while working in mainland China. Ah Tao (Deannie Yip) is Roger’s family’s maid. The family itself has emigrated to the USA, leaving Ah Tao only Roger to care for. Until, that is, one night, when Roger returns to his house to find Ah Tao unconscious, having suffered a stroke. She recovers, but is severely weakened, so Roger takes it on himself to look after her for a change.

This might at first sound like a bonding-through-adversity tale, but that’s not it at all. Ah Tao and Roger are already bonded before the film starts, after a long lifetime shared. Ah Tao apparently spoiled the young Roger rotten, going behind his parents’ back to get him film magazines and soft drinks, and their mutual affection has endured since then. They aren’t bosom buddies exactly. The difference in their lifestyles and social status makes some awkwardness inevitable. But nevertheless, these two are family, and at its core, A Simple Life is about watching that familial bond in action.

Admittedly, this does make for a vaguely compelling experience. Sometimes the film is a hair’s breadth from dullness, and I found myself staring at the DVD player timer, wondering how much more to go. But at other times, the film proves charming, and even funny. Lau is good with deadpan comedy, and the affection on display in some of his interactions with Ah Tao might win a smile from a stone.

However it is Yip’s performance that is more noticeably impressive. Her role calls, not only for emotional flexibility, but for physical artifice as well. It is a challenge, but one Yip proves well able to meet. Emotionally, I felt she was at her best acting against Fuli Wang as Roger’s mother. The awkwardness of their encounters, as Ah Tao’s illness brings down the social barriers between them, was palpable. Yip also achieves much on the physical side. In particular, the degeneration of her walk into a terrible, paralytic shuffle, really drives home the impact of Ah Tao’s stroke.

But despite all this, once the credits rolled, I found A Simple Life left little impression on me. The sheer lack of drama leaves it an annoyingly weightless film.

This is not to say I wish, oh, that about halfway through A Simple Life, Ah Tao suddenly has to fight ninjas or something (though that would have been interesting). Many films have a similar structure to A Simple Life, eschewing the straightforward conflicts of the average yarn. Rampart, that cop movie with Woody Harrelson in it, is a good, earlier-this-year example. What set that apart from A Simple Life though, was its sense of purpose. Rampart may not have had a plot per-se, but David Brown’s headlong dive towards self-destruction gives the film dramatic propulsion, something A Simple Life lacks.

See, Ah Tao may be well-acted, but as a character, she has no purpose. She is at the centre of the film, but she is never moving towards anything. Her life, in essence, is waiting: waiting to have that inevitable second stroke, and eventually, to die. And because this is what she is doing, the audience is stuck waiting too. Waiting and waiting for these miserable things to happen to her.

Not fun right?

Well yes, and yet it also happens to be depressingly accurate. At Ah Tao’s stage of health, life tends to become just one jerky, downward slide towards death. That’s not to say it’s devoid of fun or interesting things, or that it’s impossible to have goals at that stage. It’s just a conclusion once ignorable, is now plainly visible. And Ah Tao, in the face of that conclusion, and her physical fragility, essentially just gives up. The result is A Simple Life presents the experience of extreme old age as nothing more than a wait for the reaper.

This is realistic. But it makes for an experience I cannot recommend.

Adam Brodie

Rating:12A
UK Release Date: 3rd August 2012
Directed By:Ann Hui
Cast: Andy Lau, Deannie Yip , Lawrence Ah Mon