Frightfest 2012 – Cockneys Vs Zombies

★★★★☆

They say a good horror film is one that leaves its audience smiling - a belief enforced by Cockneys Vs Zombies (2012), the new Brit comedy frightfest from director Matthias Hoene, starring (and I'm not joking) the iconic Richard Briers and Honor Blackman. After watching it you'll be screaming with laughter, as this is one of the freshest, most irreverent and side splittingly funny comedies, as well as one of the goriest, you'll see this year.

Determined to help their grandfather Ray (Alan Ford) and his friends whose old folks retirement home is being closed and the land it's on redeveloped by a large property company, Terry (Rasimus Hardiker), his brother Andy (Harry Tredaway) and their cousin Katy (Michelle Ryan), decided to do what any loving grandchildren would - they rob a bank of two and a half million pounds. With the money they hope to pay for a new start for Ray and the other old dears.

Elsewhere something nasty has just been uncovered by some building constructors (the same who have just bought Ray and co out of house and home) on a new site they are clearing in London's East End - something that is now infecting anyone who is stands in its way. Unfortunately for Ray, his friends and his ne'er-do-well off-spring they are doing just that, and the inevitable confrontation leads to a very bloody showdown indeed.

Cockneys Vs Zombies is one of the best, most original, laugh-out-loud films, to come along in months. The advantage many small scale British films have over their American, big studio counterparts, is that they can do whatever they like without anyone breathing down their necks or demanding the direction the film should take. As a result you get something like this - a totally fresh take on the somewhat tired zombie theme, good gory fun in a totally non-pc way that many American films could never hope to get away with. Where else would you find a group of OAP's beating the heads in of a horde of flesh eating zombies or, as happens at one point, a young man drop kicking a zombie baby and splattering it against an advertising hoarding.

There is so much that could be said about this film - from it's authentic use of East London locations to some of the most realistic, stomach ripping, gore effects since Shaun of the Dead (2004) - but I don't want to spoil your enjoyment. Suffice to say that I'm extremely jealous I can't see it again for the first time.

Though the cast as a whole sparkle in their 'diamond geezer' roles, it must surely be British acting legends Briers and Blackman who steal the show every time they walk (or in the case of Briers) shuffle on screen. They are brilliant and completely unexpected, particularly in the scene with Briers, a Zimmer frame and a zombie (you'll know it when you see it) which is excruciatingly funny, whilst the image of the usually refined Blackman toting a sawn-off shotgun and shouting "let's get those &^+%@!" will remain indelibly seared on your memory.

The one small (considering the age we live in) downside is the film's prolific use of expletive strewn language throughout. Now I'm no prude, and realise language like this is commonplace and not just in London's East End. However I do think a few less profanities would have displayed a more imaginative grasp of the English language.

But I'm quibbling, and otherwise adored this insane slice of schlock. Cockneys Vs Zombies may not be remembered as a classic of British cinema, but it's certainly more fun than a lot of the pretentious films out there (horror included) which take themselves way too seriously.

Cleaver Patterson

Rating:18  
UK Release Date: 26th August 2012(Frightfest) 31st August 2012 (General Release)
Directed by: Matthias Hoene  
Cast: Michelle Ryan, Georgia King, Harry Treadaway , Alan Ford, Honor Blackman, Richard Briers

Frightfest 2012 - Wrong Turn 4 Bloody Beginnings Review

It’s 1974 and deep in the West Virginia wilderness, a family of inbred hillbilly cannibals are being held in an isolated asylum for the violent and mentally ill.  The asylum soon becomes deserted when the inbred family escape and take sadistic and gratuitous revenge on their captors…. Decades later, a group of college students take a wrong turn and seek refuge in the now-abandoned asylum after a blizzard derails their plans for a weekend winter break. But when the students encounter the medical ward’s most frightening former patients, now fiendishly famished residents, their only choice is to fight back…or die trying.

I loved 2003′s Wrong Turn, helped in part by the appearance of Buffy co-star Eliza Dushku in the lead role. However I loved Wrong Turn 2: Dead End even more. A fact which I credit whole-heartedly to director Joe Lynch who brought a tongue-in-cheek angle to the sequel which made the sequel heaps more fun than its predecessor. It didn’t hurt that Henry Rollins was fantastic in the flick, relishing his role as ex-military officer turned reality TV presenter Dale Murphy. However I skipped the third film in the franchise having heard only bad things about it, so when I heard they were bringing back that films director Declan O’Brien for Wrong Turn 4 I didn’t have high hopes. I’m glad to say I was wrong.

Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings sets its stall out early. From the gory prologue featuring the inbred family tearing apart (literally) the doctors and nurses who work at the asylum to the completely gratuitous couples sex scene, complete with lesbianism, copious amounts of nudity, and post-coitus douche-baggery (yes, that is a word). And what follows doesn’t really change that formula. Gore, nudity, sex, gore – it’s a viscious and bloody circle.

Complete with stupefyingly gory dismemberments, disembowelings and discombobulation, Wrong Turn 4 replaces any semblance of plot or story with gory set-pieces, much like the slasher movies of the 80s in fact. And its those slashers, and their desire to out-do one another in terms of OTT effects, that are the direct influence on this film – perhaps, if I’m not reading too much into it, there’s also a nod to the 80s in the appearance of a giant drill as one of the weapons of choice for the hillbillies. It instantly reminded me of the Slumber Party Massacre movies – movies which mixed sex and gore in much the same way as this film does.
Possibly one of the goriest films I’ve seen recently, Wrong Turn 4 relishes in the glory of gore – nowhere more than in the scene in which, and I quote, they made a “fucked up fondue” of one of the characters, slicing him up piece by piece and frying the flesh in a pan of oil before chomping down in a cannibalistic feast. Much like a lot of the derivative slashers that came before it there’s really no reason for the film to exist beyond the gore. – and I’m not saying that like its a bad thing!

That’s not to say they’re aren’t problems with the film, even for a cheesy slasher movie. After all, how the hell would hillbillies who’ve been trapped in an asylum since the 70s know how to ride snowmobiles? Then, of course, there’s the usual genre conceit of going back to find/help your friends – but that occurs in plenty of genre flick so that is a given these days. What did surprise about Wrong Turn 4 was the occasional flashes of “they are us” themes which, if they had been followed through more, would have raised the film above a lot of its peers. As it is, the film has a lot to say about the stupidity of people – in fact its stupidity that costs the lives of the films characters in some instances.

Despite being completely derivative, the film is also fun. A lot of fun. Whether its the gorehound in me or whether I was just in the right mood for the flick, I enjoyed the fourth film in the franchise a lot. A heck of a lot.

Filled with buckets, and I mean buckets, of blood, Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (it really lives up its name, believe me) shows at this years Frightfest the 13th in the Discovery Screen on Saturday 25th August at 11.35pm – a great midnight movie film in a great midnight movie slot – before being released on DVD on Monday August 27th courtesy of 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment.

This was a Review by Phil at Blogomatic3000

Rating: 18
UK Release Date: 25th August 2012 (Frightfest) 27th August (DVD/BD)
Directed By: Declan O'Brien
Cast: Sean Skene, Blane Cypurda , Dan Skene,

Frightfest 2012: Guinea Pigs Review

★★★☆☆

Ian Clark's much anticipated first feature, Guinea Pigs received its debut at this year's Edinburgh International Film Festival. Despite delivering some sharp moments of tension and a realistic style, Guinea Pigs unfortunately lacks in lasting impact.

Eight volunteers are sent to a remote medical facility to begin clinical trials on a new drug, tentatively titled Pro-9. It soon becomes apparent that this is no ordinary drug as extreme side affects begin to appear - you know, like turning into a raging psychopath.

Although the subject of clinical trials has been tackled in the horror genre before, it still remains a chilling concept. Ian Clark furthers these chills by instilling a strong sense of realism throughout Guinea Pigs, most notably through his almost documentary style direction. From the onset, descriptions appear on screen, mixed with unfocussed close ups and establishing shots of the eerie clinical settings which gives Clark's film an unsettling familiarity.

After a rather long but well crafted build up, we get a strong sense of the foreboding horror that is expected to ensue. This is followed by several well executed moments of tension, which fortunately never unveil too much, normally a good tactic in the genre, leaving the viewers' imagination to the work. Unfortunately these tense build up gets wasted with Guinea Pigs lacking in a real scares, jumps or chilling imagery.

Most of the characters are interesting and reasonably well developed, despite all fitting into traditional archetypal genre roles. Leading character, Adam (Aneurin Barnard) although well acted, proves too nice for his own good by making some dodgy decisions - like not leaving the compound when he has the chance. A scene stealing turn from Looking For Eric's Steve Evets, as a clinical test "veteran" adds some wry humour to the proceedings. Other small joys include Chris Larkin's appearance as a wise-cracking Doctor in charge of the proceedings.

Guinea Pigs is a reasonably entertaining watch, with director Ian Clark creating a solid, realistic atmosphere and strong sense of tension, as well as some welcome moments of humour. Unfortunately, Guinea Pigs is lacking in any genuine scares and ultimately proves a bit unmemorable.

Andrew McArthur

Rating:15
Stars: Aneurin Barnard, Alex Reid, Oliver Coleman
Director: Ian Clark
Release: 27th August 2012 (Frightfest 2012)