TOMBSTONE. 1993. DIRECTED BY GEORGE P. COSMATOS. STARRING KURT RUSSELL, SAM ELLIOTT, BILL PAXTON, VAL KILMER, CHARLTON HESTON, DANA DELANY, POWERS BOOTHE AND ROBERT MITCHUM AS THE NARRATOR. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
I've always loved cowboys. Not to play cowboys, mind. Oh no. To fantasise about in a sexy way, haha. They've formed the cornerstone of some of my naughtiest fantasies since I was a young one. There's just something about an unwashed, stubbly, sweaty guy with a horse between his muscular thighs and a holster on his hip with an inscrutable look in his sun-narrowed eyes that gets me every time.
I've fancied 'em all. Alan Ladd, John Wayne, James Stewart, Richard Widmark and, of course, the King Of The Cowboys, Clint Eastwood as the Mysterious Stranger who rides into town, a-whoppin' and a-whuppin,' throwing women down in the barn and giving them what for, and so on and so forth. I've always adored my Westerns and, in particular, my unshaven, sketchily bathed Cowboys, perpetually chomping on their cigars and twirling their guns like a demented majorette on Paddy's Day.
Thing is, though, I didn't think I could enjoy a Western movie that wasn't made in the 'Fifties, 'Sixties or, at a push, the 'Seventies. (I made allowances for the brilliant spaghetti westerns of Sergio Leone's.) I didn't actually know that such a good '90s Western as TOMBSTONE existed until I watched it for the first time in the Lighthouse Cinema in Smithfield, Dublin, on New Years' Day this year. Braving the elements, I made it there in one piece, snuggled down in my favourite seat and lost myself in one of the best films I've seen for ages. Yes, I know that I'm only twenty-something years late to the party but, hey, better late than never...!
TOMBSTONE was being shown as part of the monthly GRINDHOUSE DUBLIN movie screenings, which usually include a short extra film before the feature presentation and 'previews of coming attractions' as well. 'Coming Attractions' for the next while include the magnificent Bruce Lee and the criminally sexy John Saxon in ENTER THE DRAGON and also UNIVERSAL SOLDIER, during which I'll be hard pressed to decide who's hotter and more masculine, Jean-Claude Van Damme or Dolph Lundgren. I'll probably plump for the latter. Didn't he once play a guy called THE PUNISHER...? That appeals on so many levels, haha.
Anyway, TOMBSTONE is based on true events like the GUNFIGHT AT THE O.K. CORRAL and features iconic Western characters such as legendary lawman Wyatt Earp and his good chum, Doc Holliday, the Southern gambler, boozer and gunslinger at the end of his days. Kurt Russell does a top-notch job as Wyatt Earp, the retired peace-officer who tries to make a new life for himself in Tombstone, Arizona, with his wife and two beloved brothers until unacceptable levels of lawlessness there force him to take up his badge (and gun) once more.
He has the 'sun-narrowed eyes' thing down to a T. He's also brilliant at walking in formation with other lawmen down the Main Street of the town wearing a scowl, a gun and a long black coat. It's crucially important in Westerns that a cowboy can do that well. His black moustache twirls up at the sides and is plush and splendid. All the men are seen sporting rather splendid moustaches. Wyatt's brother Virgil's is probably the plushest. It's grey and luxuriant and you could probably hide a family of squirrels in it for the winter. Val Kilmer's isn't thick at all but, instead, it's rather saucy and jaunty, like something a stylish French chef might sport.
Speaking of Val Kilmer, his performance as Doc Holliday is an absolute powerhouse that had me glued to my seat. His expertise with a gun, all the gun-twirling stuff that gunslingers do, is terrific fun to watch. His unexpected love for classical music, in particular 'Frederic fuckin' Chopin,' and his undying friendship with Wyatt Earp had me in tears. No kidding, tears. Is it a crime that I wanted to lick the death-sweat off his handsome face just as his abused lungs and battered liver and God-knows-what-else were preparing to throw in the towel? Probably. I must remember to chastise myself severely later, haha.
Anyway, I thought he was brilliant as Jim Morrison in the 1991 film THE DOORS, but to be honest,
he's actually nearly better in TOMBSTONE. His sexy Southern accent in it is like chocolate melting over... well, more chocolate. I'm just trying to show you how hot he sounds, okay? Jeez Louise...!
I also loved Wyatt's brothers, Virgil and Mason, and Powers Boothe and Michael Biehn as outlaws 'Curly Bill' Brocius and Johnny Ringo. What great outlaw names! Legendary movie star Charlton Heston has a small role and darling old Robert Mitchum does the narration that bookends this terrific movie. DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE Dana Delany plays the real love of Wyatt's life, Josephine, and the handsome Billy Zane, Caledon Hockley in TITANIC, has a minor role as Josephine's fellow thespian. Hope I'm not spoiling the film for you when I say that he dies magnificently...!
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based performance poet, novelist, film blogger, sex blogger and short story writer. She has given more than 200 performances of her comedy sex-and-relationship poems in different venues around Dublin, including The Irish Writers’ Centre, The International Bar, Toners’ Pub (Ireland’s Most Literary Pub), the Ha’penny Inn, Le Dernier Paradis at the Trinity Inn and The Strokestown Poetry Festival.
Her articles, short stories and poems have appeared in The Metro-Herald newspaper, Ireland’s Big Issues magazine, The Irish Daily Star, The Irish Daily Sun and The Boyne Berries literary journal. In August 2014, she won the ONE LOVELY BLOG award for her (lovely!) horror film review blog. She is addicted to buying books and has been known to bring home rain-washed tomes she finds on the street and give them a home.
She is the proud possessor of a pair of unfeasibly large bosoms. They have given her- and the people around her- infinite pleasure over the years. She adores the horror genre in all its forms and will swap you anything you like for Hammer Horror or JAWS memorabilia. She would also be a great person to chat to about the differences between the Director’s Cut and the Theatrical Cut of The Wicker Man. You can contact her at:
1) ‘… BY A WOMAN WALKING HER DOG…’
2) A WRITER’S JOURNEY
3) ANNA MEETS COUNT DRACULA
4) ANOTHER FIFTY REALLY RANDOM HORROR FILM REVIEWS TO DIE FOR…
5) CANCER BALLS
6) CATCH OF THE DAY
7) FIFTY FILTHY-DIRTY SEX-POEMS YOU MUST READ BEFORE I DIE.
8) FIFTY REALLY RANDOM HORROR FILM REVIEWS TO DIE FOR…
9) THE DEVIANTS
10) VISITING DAY
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