7 May 2016



Well, I kind of had a feeling that a film with this title wasn't exactly going to be the next CITIZEN KANE and, whaddya know, it wasn't, but it was still a thoroughly enjoyable movie. It's a horror comedy and it's extremely sharply written, so much so in fact that the film-makers could have left out the horror completely and they still would have had a nice big hit on their hands.

The comedy element to the film is just superb. The writing is top-notch. The film is set entirely in an office complex. If I told you that the film has been described as 'THE OFFICE meets SHAUN OF THE DEAD,' you'll possibly get an idea of what its deal is. It might even be a bit of a spoiler, haha. I personally loved the shit out of the regular office scenes before the horror kicked in, they were that good.

Hands up who's worked in an office before? Wow, that's a fair percentage of you guys. I never have myself, but I have many, many years of experience of trying to get through to utility companies on the phone with some complaint or other, never with much success.

I think I know now why these experiences were all so fruitless, not to mention aggravating beyond belief at times. Is it because everyone who ever's worked in an office answering phone calls from the public or cold-calling the public sooner or later ends up like the guys in this film? I'm sorely tempted to say that it is...

The guys who work in this particular office, selling products over the phone which no-one really wants or needs, do a brilliant job of portraying office workers who have long, long since given up giving a shit about their work. They're there because they have to be, if they want to pick up that paycheck at the end of the month, but otherwise they give every impression of being brain-dead zombie automatons long before the horror part of the movie kicks in.

These guys spend their time at work ogling Internet porn, playing each other at video games and hanging out in the staff kitchen trying to chat up Amanda from HR, who's a dead ringer for BUSTED singer Matt Willis's lovely missus Emma. They are useless, completely and utterly useless, at their jobs. Seriously, you wouldn't employ them to clip your toenails, they're such an apathetic and unmotivated lot. Way to phone it in, guys...!

Joey Kern (CABIN FEVER, SUPER TROOPERS) turns in a terrific performance as Tim, possibly the worst and laziest employee you could ever imagine. He makes Homer Simpson look like a dynamic young go-getter, heh-heh-heh. Watch him trying to sell the 'Abinatrix' over the phone to his mother because he hasn't clocked up a single sale all week. He even puts the poor old dear on hold while he chats to his friends...! 

Tim's hilarious and by far the best and funniest character in the film. Well, after Frank the military-minded security guard and the office pools guy after he's been 'turned':

'Tick tock, m*****f*****!'

Yeah, I know you don't know what that means. You'll have to watch the film to find out, haha. The comic writing sparkles and I'm pretty sure that anyone watching this who's ever worked in an office will understand the feeling of 'Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here' that the employees in the film positively exude.

My best mate worked in an office for a year and she said that the soulless, day-in-day-out repetition of the pointless tasks she had to perform from nine-to-five pretty much killed her creativity stone-dead. Now she plays The Bride Of Dracula in a thriving local tourist attraction and spends half her weekend in a coffin with her head wrapped in bandages. She's a million times happier.

And where, by the way, does the horror come into the picture? Well, the boss of this office hires a real dynamic young go-getter (unlike Homer Simpson!) to revitalise the flagging sales figures and re-motivate the sagging staff. Almost as soon as this guy Max starts work at the company, however,
strange things start happening around the office and some of the staff are beginning to look and act differently. Suddenly, a lot of them are much, much paler, with red eyes and a newfound love of hard work that would have been hitherto very much absent in them.

There's also a lot more blood and gore and guts and entrails around the place than there used to be. What gives? Who exactly is this Max character and what is he doing to the employees? Will Colonel Sanders ever get to be Sales Manager instead of just Acting Sales Manager? (In-joke!) Will this same Colonel Sanders ever get the girl... again? Will the office pools guy ever get the dosh that's owing to him? And will Tim's mom ever find a use for the 'Abinatrix?' Who knows...?

The answers to all these questions (and no doubt a great deal more!) can be found in BLOODSUCKING BOSSES (also known as BLOODSUCKING BASTARDS), which will be available to buy from May 16th 2016. It's an hilarious splatterfest and it would be the perfect accompaniment to a guys' or girls' night in with a pizza and a few beers. 

Now I'm very much afraid that I'm going to have to put you on hold while I scratch my butt and kill a few minutes making a nice cup of tea. Don't worry, though. Your call is very important to us...!


Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:


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