THOR. (2011) DIRECTED BY KENNETH BRANAGH. BASED ON THE MARVEL COMICS' CHARACTER CREATED BY STAN LEE. SCREENPLAY BY ASHLEY EDWARD MILLER, JACK STENTZ AND DON PAYNE. PRODUCTION COMPANY: MARVEL STUDIOS. DISTRIBUTION COMPANY: PARAMOUNT PICTURES.
STARRING CHRIS HEMSWORTH, NATALIE
PORTMAN, STELLAN SKARSGARD, TOM HIDDLESTON, RENE RUSSO, ANTHONY
HOPKINS, COLM FEORE, IDRIS ELBA AND KAT DENNINGS. REVIEW BY SANDRA
HARRIS. ©
I normally hate super-hero movies,
probably because I'm female and the only comics I read when I was
growing up were the BUNTY
and the MANDY and
then, later on, SMASH HITS pop
music magazine.
In all honesty, I preferred to read about what DURAN
DURAN ate for breakfast and if
SPANDAU BALLET chose
boxers over briefs rather than to follow the careers of super-heroes
who just seemed to jump from skyscraper to skyscraper in the good old
US of A while pounding the snot out of each other. Boring...!
I
liked this film well enough, though. Not because of any deep-seated
appreciation for the cult of the super-hero, however, but for another
more earthy, less cerebral reason. As a long-time fan of Antipodean
(that means Australian!) soap
opera HOME AND AWAY, I
was familiar with the work of Chris Hemsworth before he
landed the rather plum role of Thor, the Nordic God of Thunder.
In
other words, as Milhouse Van Houten of THE SIMPSONS
said during Show And Tell in
Edna Krabappel's class: 'I knew the dog before he came to
school...!'
Yes, I
remember Chris when he was Kim Hyde in HOME AND AWAY. He
played one of the nice guys, the good guys, one of those guys who
always tried to do the right thing, you know? That didn't stop the
script from requiring him to whip his top off in nearly every
episode, though, which was a blessing indeed for the female viewers
as he was very, very buff
indeed.
He was
always stripping off to go surfing or just to doss around the caravan
park in a broody fashion and his abdominals were something of a
delight. He wore his jeans so low-slung that it was apt to set a
lady's imagination a-flutter with all sorts of... well, imaginings
of a carnal nature. Tee-hee. Watch
me giggle like a schoolgirl at the memory. Well, I was a
schoolgirl at the time...!
When I saw him as Thor, however, a good few years after I'd last seen him as Kim Hyde, I almost couldn't believe how much he'd bulked up, and he was pretty buff to begin with, as I may already have mentioned. He was bloody huge...!
Love
interest Natalie Portman looked teensy in
comparison, though the film-makers may have been fiddling around with
different perspectives to make Thor look even bigger.
Nonetheless,
he had the arms, chest and shoulders of a bear. An extremely handsome
blonde-haired bearded bear, I
might add. A bear who could nose and snuffle around my
trash-can anytime. And yes,
that's a metaphor, heh-heh-heh.
I'm nothing if not appreciative of a fine male physique. Oh, and
as we say here in Ireland, I'd dearly love a pull of his Hammer...!
Now, where
was I? Oh yes. Having a prior interest in the delicious piece of
eye-candy that is Chris Hemsworth made watching this super-hero
borefest somewhat bearable. I even enjoyed it in places. I was bored
to tears, however, during the bits on Asgard, the home of King Odin, Thor's
Pops.
Odin is
reluctantly engaging in a war against the Frost Giants to prevent
them from seizing the Nine Realms, of which Earth would be the first on their hit-list.
The old and frail Odin banishes his son Thor to Earth for sticking
his rather attractive beak into matters of war which Odin thinks don't concern
him.
This leaves
Odin's sneaky adopted son Loki free to take over the throne of
Asgard, which naturally belongs rightfully to Thor, the elder of the
two sons. That leaves the way clear for a race against time, a thing
without which no blockbuster would be complete.
Thor
tries to find a portal back to Asgard in time to prevent Loki from
betraying his adoptive father- and his adoptive home- to the Frost
Giants, with whom Loki's learned he has an unbreakable connection. It's
all pretty standard super-hero stuff, haha.
That's
the lowdown as far as I could make it out. No doubt any expert on
super-hero movies could do a better job...! I think I've done pretty
well for a novice, though.
As I said, I didn't care for the Asgardian
fighting bits. I honestly couldn't have cared less whether the Frost Giants caught the snoozing
Odin unawares or even whether they poked him in the eye-patch.
I much preferred watching Thor bumbling about on
Earth, having to accustom himself to human food and clothing and
customs, a lot like Jean-Claude Van Damme in the movie UNIVERSAL
SOLDIER (1992). There's plenty
of scope for humour there.
I
liked the love story, though I would have liked to see it taken a
little farther. Still, what are sequels for if not to tie up those
kinds of loose ends? And I presume there is a
sequel (or maybe a million sequels and even a prequel or
two) for me to go and dig out
now if I want to know what became of Thor and Jane, his prissy little
scientist lady friend? Yeah, I thought so, haha.
By the
way, I don't get all the mad excitement and buzz surrounding Tom
Hiddleston's performance as the two-faced Loki. I found him to be as
bland and tasteless as chips without salt and vinegar. And as for Sif
and The so-called Warriors Three? The phrase 'spare pricks
at an orgy' comes instantly to
mind...!
There's
no need to hunt me down and kill me though, all those Comic Book Guys out
there who are foaming at the mouth right now at what they see as such
an irreverent treatment of their precious blockbuster. I can assure
you that this isn't a hatchet job. I quite enjoyed this film, even if
it was for reasons
that may differ slightly from your average super-hero fans' reasons.
Will I
watch any sequels or prequels or companions to this film? Maybe, if
Chris Hemsworth is in them. If he's not, well then, I'll put them in the
'Maybe' pile. And
leave 'em there...!
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA
HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
You can contact Sandra at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
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