VAMPYRES. (2015) WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY VICTOR MATELLANO. BASED ON THE 1974 MOVIE 'VAMPYRES,' DIRECTED BY JOSÉ RAMON LARRAZ. MUSIC BY JOSÉ IGNACIO ARRUFAT. CINEMATOGRAPHY BY DANIEL SALAS ALBEROLA.
STARRING CAROLINE MUNRO, MARTA
FLICH, ALMUDENA LEON, VERONICA POLO, ANTHONY ROTSA, VICTOR VIDAL AND
CHRISTIAN STAMM.
REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
I do like
a nice bit of bloodthirsty vampire lesbianism of an evening,
especially now that it's getting on for winter and the nights are
drawing in, haha. This erotic horror film is chock-full of the bloodiest
vampire lesbianism and lesbian
vampirism and should satisfy even the most pernickety of horror fans.
I enjoyed it thoroughly myself. Let's move in for a closer look, film
buffs, shall we...?
It's based on
the film of the same name from 1974, in which two- you guessed it-
beautiful lesbian vampires lure unsuspecting men to their home in the
English countryside for unforgettable orgies of sex and blood. That'd
certainly be something you'd tend not to forget, I suppose, an
evening of wild shagging followed by bloodsucking with a couple of
cracking birds.
I
wonder if there are any vampire films feauturing sexy gay guys
as opposed to women? Even if
there are, they probably wouldn't be half as sexy. There are few
things as attractive and sensual as a gorgeous lesbian vampire,
especially if she has long glossy jet-black hair and speaks in an
Eastern European accent, surely that most appealing of all accents. It's like sex for the ear, that is.
Anyway,
the two well-fit lesbian vampire birds show up again in this
excellent re-make. Once more, they're called Fran and Miriam. Miriam
is a great name for a vampire chick but Fran...? I
just don't get that. Maybe it's short for the more elegant Francesca.
Anyway,
Fran is kind of the lead vampire lady and she's pretty much drop-dead
sexy, with all the essential qualities I mentioned in the last paragraph. She
and Miriam inhabit a rundown old mansion in the woods and, as Fran
herself says, they both love it when 'company comes by,' or
words to that effect.
,
They
might be lesbians but they're apparently always up for heterosexual
sex too, as we see from Fran's activities in the bedroom with Ted,
the older guy they've imprisoned in the house. She's even seen
treating him to the position known as 'reverse cowgirl,'
for which I expect Ted is
suitably grateful. A woman like that doesn't come along every day.
She's a right little goer in the sack, is our Frannie. What she sees in Ted is another matter entirely. Maybe he invested some dosh in the film, heh-heh-heh...
The
scenes in which the sadistic, cold-hearted Fran and Miriam are shown bathing in the blood of a
young woman whom they've suspended, Bathory-style, over their bath is
sexy and artistic at
the same time, as are any scenes in which they're naked and groping
and fondling each other over the prone bodies of Ted or other male
'visitors' to the house. They're beautiful women with great bodies
and they're perfect in their roles.
The
film isn't all lesbian
vampire sex, by the way, although those are certainly my favourite
bits. Three young people are camping in the nearby woods, woods where
two mysterious black-cloaked figures are known to wander at random. I wonder who those could possibly be, nudge nudge wink wink...?
I like
the fact that Harriet, John and Nolan have all watched scary movies
like THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, in
which terrible things happen to a small bunch of young 'uns camping
in haunted woods. They know what happens to people like them in
films, but even so I doubt if they truly expect to encounter real
evil (sexy evil, sure, but evil nonetheless) in
their own chosen camping-site.
I like the
fact as well that they compare themselves to Byron, Shelley and
Polidori in the Villa Diodati. I think this shows a deep-seated love
of horror on the part of the film-makers and I really dig that. Also, as a
writer, I've always loved the story of the Villa Diodati.
You know,
Lord Byron's great literary house-party in his fabulous rented villa
on the banks of a picturesque lake in Geneva? The one where he and
the poet Shelley and Shelley's chick Mary
Godwin Shelley and one of Byron's
groupies, a woman called Claire, and Byron's friend and physician,
Dr. John Polidori, all stay up late one dark and stormy night and
tell each other ghost stories? Yeah, that house-party...!
Ghost
stories, by the way, which evolved into Mary Shelley's gothic novel
FRANKENSTEIN and
Polidori's short story, THE VAMPYRE,
not the first vampire story ever written but the first one to portray
the vampire as the suavely handsome and compelling aristocrat of
modern literature whom we love to simultaneously fear and fancy the arse off of.
Anyway,
the campers and the vampires (Remember that song from the
musical 'Oklahoma' called 'The farmer and the cowboy should be
friends...?') can't stay
separate forever. I'm not going to tell you what happens when these
two vastly differing worlds collide, but you can be sure that it will be bloody. And
sexy. And bloody sexy, haha. Watch this terrific re-make for
yourselves and find out just how bloody
sexy...
My favourite
thing about the film, apart obviously from all the lesbian sex and
nudity, is the fact that horror legend Caroline Munro is in it as the
hotel owner. She looks amazing in it, with her long silky hair still
raven-black, her eyes still immaculately ringed in black liner and her wrists and
fingers bedecked with loads of colourful chunky rings and clashing bangles.
Caroline,
famous for her roles in horror, science fiction and action films of
the '70s and '80s, looked exactly the same when I met her last year
at the Irish Film Institute's 2015 Horrorthon. Yes, I name-drop now, haha. She was attending a
special screening of one of her most famous films, DRACULA
A.D. 1972 (1972), to mark the
passing last year of Christopher Lee, horror icon and star of the
film.
I met
her first of all in the lobby of the IFI. She was charming, beautiful
and chatty and she told me that I had lovely hair. Well, that's as
may be, haha, but it wouldn't rival Ms. Munro's still stunning
barnet. I enjoyed her showbiz stories (I was most
interested in her work for Hammer Film Studios) and,
after her Question And Answer session, I couldn't resist queuing for
a few signed pics.
Anyway,
it's great to see such a popular horror hottie performing in VAMPYRES,
looking every bit as good as she did in
some of her earlier films. See, that's what happens when you take the time to look
after yourself. Let that be a lesson to the women who've given up
caring. Women like me, haha.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA
HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
You can contact Sandra at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
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