30 September 2016



I do like a nice bit of bloodthirsty vampire lesbianism of an evening, especially now that it's getting on for winter and the nights are drawing in, haha. This erotic horror film is chock-full of the bloodiest vampire lesbianism and lesbian vampirism and should satisfy even the most pernickety of horror fans. I enjoyed it thoroughly myself. Let's move in for a closer look, film buffs, shall we...?

It's based on the film of the same name from 1974, in which two- you guessed it- beautiful lesbian vampires lure unsuspecting men to their home in the English countryside for unforgettable orgies of sex and blood. That'd certainly be something you'd tend not to forget, I suppose, an evening of wild shagging followed by bloodsucking with a couple of cracking birds.

I wonder if there are any vampire films feauturing sexy gay guys as opposed to women? Even if there are, they probably wouldn't be half as sexy. There are few things as attractive and sensual as a gorgeous lesbian vampire, especially if she has long glossy jet-black hair and speaks in an Eastern European accent, surely that most appealing of all accents. It's like sex for the ear, that is.

Anyway, the two well-fit lesbian vampire birds show up again in this excellent re-make. Once more, they're called Fran and Miriam. Miriam is a great name for a vampire chick but Fran...? I just don't get that. Maybe it's short for the more elegant Francesca.

Anyway, Fran is kind of the lead vampire lady and she's pretty much drop-dead sexy, with all the essential qualities I mentioned in the last paragraph. She and Miriam inhabit a rundown old mansion in the woods and, as Fran herself says, they both love it when 'company comes by,' or words to that effect.
They might be lesbians but they're apparently always up for heterosexual sex too, as we see from Fran's activities in the bedroom with Ted, the older guy they've imprisoned in the house. She's even seen treating him to the position known as 'reverse cowgirl,' for which I expect Ted is suitably grateful. A woman like that doesn't come along every day. She's a right little goer in the sack, is our Frannie. What she sees in Ted is another matter entirely. Maybe he invested some dosh in the film, heh-heh-heh...

The scenes in which the sadistic, cold-hearted Fran and Miriam are shown bathing in the blood of a young woman whom they've suspended, Bathory-style, over their bath is sexy and artistic at the same time, as are any scenes in which they're naked and groping and fondling each other over the prone bodies of Ted or other male 'visitors' to the house. They're beautiful women with great bodies and they're perfect in their roles.

The film isn't all lesbian vampire sex, by the way, although those are certainly my favourite bits. Three young people are camping in the nearby woods, woods where two mysterious black-cloaked figures are known to wander at random. I wonder who those could possibly be, nudge nudge wink wink...?

I like the fact that Harriet, John and Nolan have all watched scary movies like THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, in which terrible things happen to a small bunch of young 'uns camping in haunted woods. They know what happens to people like them in films, but even so I doubt if they truly expect to encounter real evil (sexy evil, sure, but evil nonetheless) in their own chosen camping-site.

I like the fact as well that they compare themselves to Byron, Shelley and Polidori in the Villa Diodati. I think this shows a deep-seated love of horror on the part of the film-makers and I really dig that. Also, as a writer, I've always loved the story of the Villa Diodati.

You know, Lord Byron's great literary house-party in his fabulous rented villa on the banks of a picturesque lake in Geneva? The one where he and the poet Shelley and Shelley's chick Mary
Godwin Shelley and one of Byron's groupies, a woman called Claire, and Byron's friend and physician, Dr. John Polidori, all stay up late one dark and stormy night and tell each other ghost stories? Yeah, that house-party...!

Ghost stories, by the way, which evolved into Mary Shelley's gothic novel FRANKENSTEIN and Polidori's short story, THE VAMPYRE, not the first vampire story ever written but the first one to portray the vampire as the suavely handsome and compelling aristocrat of modern literature whom we love to simultaneously fear and fancy the arse off of.

Anyway, the campers and the vampires (Remember that song from the musical 'Oklahoma' called 'The farmer and the cowboy should be friends...?') can't stay separate forever. I'm not going to tell you what happens when these two vastly differing worlds collide, but you can be sure that it will be bloody. And sexy. And bloody sexy, haha. Watch this terrific re-make for yourselves and find out just how bloody sexy...

My favourite thing about the film, apart obviously from all the lesbian sex and nudity, is the fact that horror legend Caroline Munro is in it as the hotel owner. She looks amazing in it, with her long silky hair still raven-black, her eyes still immaculately ringed in black liner and her wrists and fingers bedecked with loads of colourful chunky rings and clashing bangles.

Caroline, famous for her roles in horror, science fiction and action films of the '70s and '80s, looked exactly the same when I met her last year at the Irish Film Institute's 2015 Horrorthon. Yes, I name-drop now, haha. She was attending a special screening of one of her most famous films, DRACULA A.D. 1972 (1972), to mark the passing last year of Christopher Lee, horror icon and star of the film.

I met her first of all in the lobby of the IFI. She was charming, beautiful and chatty and she told me that I had lovely hair. Well, that's as may be, haha, but it wouldn't rival Ms. Munro's still stunning barnet. I enjoyed her showbiz stories (I was most interested in her work for Hammer Film Studios) and, after her Question And Answer session, I couldn't resist queuing for a few signed pics.

Anyway, it's great to see such a popular horror hottie performing in VAMPYRES, looking every bit as good as she did in some of her earlier films. See, that's what happens when you take the time to look after yourself. Let that be a lesson to the women who've given up caring. Women like me, haha.

This brilliant horror film re-make, by the way, is out on DVD and VOD/streaming on 18th Oct. 2016, courtesy of ARTSPLOITATION FILMS, and if you like your 'vampyres' beautiful, sexually uninhibited and hungry for man-flesh, then you surely know what to do...


Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:


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