LOVE. 2015. DIRECTED BY GASPAR NOÉ. STARRING KARL GLUSMAN, AOMI MUYOCK AND KLARA KRISTIN. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
Jesus, Mary and Joseph...! Oral sex,
female-to-male, female-to-female and male-to-female. Especially
male-to-female. Full frontal nudity. Real, apparently unsimulated
sex, and in every conceivable (snigger!) position. Threesomes and
lesbian sex. Pubes. Big hairy pubes. And... you might want to be
sitting down for this bit... fully erect willies. With stuff
coming out of them. You know what stuff I mean.
And all
this in an Irish cinema. At lunchtime on a Saturday afternoon just a
few short weeks before Christmas. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, is the
world coming to an end or what? Nope, it's just Gaspar Noé's
controversial film, the hilariously, wickedly brilliant LOVE.
I nearly choked on my
winegums...
This
film is essentially about a Dick. I call it Murphy's Dick, because
it's attached to a guy called Murphy, see? Murphy is a good-looking
young American guy. He's studying film in Paris, the most romantic
city in the world. He has notions of one day being the new Stanley
Kubrick. The chances of this are slim, and here's why.
He spends his days taking
so-called recreational drugs and putting Murphy's Dick into Electra,
a gorgeous French art student with a chequered past and
Daddy-slash-abandonment issues. A recipe for disaster, perhaps...? You got
that right.
The
film opens on a shot of Murphy's Dick, fully erect and ready for
action. We see Murphy and Electra engaged in what I believe is known
as- ahem- mutual masturbation. We saw everything, and I do
mean everything. We saw Murphy's
Dick getting harder and harder and then we saw stuff actually coming
out of it.
The
whole time, Murphy was fiddling with- ahem again- Electra's Hairy
Lady-Bits. I nearly died of shock. It's not that I've never seen sex
in a movie before. I've just never seen it in the cinema. And there
was an elderly couple sitting behind me and everything. I was worried
about the possibility of one of them dropping dead of a stroke or
something.
But then the old lady part of the couple told a man who
was there on his own and who was loudly rustling sweet-wrappers:
'Could you please be quiet, we're trying to watch the
fucking film...!' so I knew that
they were probably going to be okay with it.
Any-hoo,
Murphy, with the full consent and co-operation of Electra, puts
Murphy's Dick in a girl called Omi. Behind Electra's back, though,
Murphy and Omi continue to knock boots. When Omi gets pregnant,
Murphy is devastated. When Electra leaves him and he has to man up
and take care of Omi and the baby, he's even more gutted. He spends
the rest of the movie crying like a girl about what he sees as
Electra's unfair defection.
We're taken
back in time and shown how the relationship between Murphy's Dick and
Electra's Hairy Lady-Bits starts off well but quickly turns toxic.
With Electra's encouragement, Murphy puts Murphy's Dick into other
women like it's going out of fashion. The scenes in the sex-club and
with the big transvestite spring immediately to mind. Murphy and
Electra have sex non-stop. When they occasionally come up for air,
they fight like cat-and-dog.
I've
always wanted to have that kind of über-passionate
relationship with a guy. You know, where you scream at them in angry
French one minute when you're pissed-off with them but then the next
minute you're back, well, screwing them like crazy. No, I'm not
French at all, but French is just such a sexy language to tell
someone to f**k off in, isn't it? I totally wish I knew how to speak it.
The music is
fantastic and fits the shenanigans perfectly. Rain falls constantly
too and the sound is mesmerising. I'm definitely going back to watch
this utterly brilliant film again, but this time I'm watching it in
3D. Yes, there's an option for doing that. I want to see the
you-know-what coming out of Murphy's Dick in 3D just to see what it's
like. But I'm not going back just for that. Me not perv.
In his
unforgettable slice of cinematic pornography, the director manages to
capture perfectly the
bullshit, destructiveness and utter
toxicity of a bad relationship. The film takes us on a roller-coaster
ride that never lets up from start to finish, though there was so
much sex in it that
towards the end I actually risked taking my eyes off the screen and
checking my phone for a minute. I guess I must have figured that even
if I missed something, I'd already seen so much sex that I could
afford to miss a bit.
The sex scene
between Murphy's Dick and both Electra's and Omi's Hairy Lady-Bits is
pure ballet. It's beautiful, in its own way. I wonder if the elderly
couple who were sitting behind me had sex at all when they went home.
Ah well, that's none of my business, I suppose. Good luck to them,
and fair play to them for, um, coming.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA
HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
You can contact Sandra at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
No comments:
Post a Comment