21 March 2017



'What are you gonna do for a face when Jabba The Hut wants his arse back...?'

'BLONDE FIST...?' I was hoping this was a porno when I popped it in the machine. Nothing like a good porno at the end of the day with a nice cup of tea, haha. I wasn't disappointed, however, when it turned out not to be a porno, the misleadingly sexy title notwithstanding.

Rather, it's a great British film that's getting a new lease of life at the moment thanks to the nice people at NETWORK DISTRIBUTING, in conjunction with the presumably equally lovely folks st BLUE DOLPHIN PR & MARKETING. But we'll leave the hard sell till later, movie fans, and have a quick squint at the plot first.

Remember Margi Clarke, the feisty bleached blonde actress with the Liverpudlian accent so strong it could cut through any substance known to man? She played Jackie Dobbs in CORONATION STREET many, many moons ago, remember? 

Jackie was Deirdre Barlow's cellmate when she was banged up, to use the correct parlance, for financial crimes actually committed not by the bespectacled Deirdre but by her so-called airline pilot lover, Jon Lindsay. Eeeeee, he were a wrong 'un and no mistake...!

Anyway, the silvery-tongued Margi Clarke plays the leading role in BLONDE FIST, an excellent British drama that's positively crammed with killer comic lines like the quote we rode in onShe's Ronnie O'Dowd from Kirkby in Liverpool. She's a single mum to Baby Tony, she's struggling financially and she's a right gobby cow with a heart as big as Anfield itself.

She's got a great friend in Mary (played by actress Sharon Power whom I'm certain I've seen in Scouser soap opera Brookside), but her love life's on the rocks as her ex-con of a Baby Daddy is giving her the run-around.

Don't get me started on deadbeat Baby Daddies. They're one of my pet hates. Man enough to do the dirty deed but not man enough to deal with the eighteen-years-and-counting of the consequences. Ah, feck 'em all. We're here to gab about the film.

Ronnie's big mouth and explosive temper have a way of getting her into even bigger trouble. There's a brilliant scene at the start of the film where she knocks Tina Malone from SHAMELESS out cold, literally out cold, in an hilarious scrap over whose kid did what to whom.

She gets off with a mere fine for that infraction but a bust-up with her Baby Daddy's current squeeze costs poor Ronnie much more dearly. When it threatens to lose her her darling Baby Tony as well, Ronnie decides that it's time for some drastic action. Drastic action that will take her thousands of miles away from her beloved Kirkby...

Margi Clarke is perfect in the role of the mouthy cow with the heart of gold who never bothers to use her words when her fists can do the talking instead. The viewers will be totally on Ronnie's side as she battles poverty and an alcoholic parent in an attempt to turn her and little Tony's lives around for good. We can all relate to problems like the ones she's got and at least Ronnie is trying to improve her circumstances, albeit in a somewhat unorthodox fashion.

Ken Hutchison, probably most famous for gang-raping (well, not by himself; one man is not a gang...!) a confused Susan George in Sam Peckinpah's violent and controversial movie STRAW DOGS (1971), is great as Ronnie's self-deluding Dad whose behaviour when he needs a drink frightens even Ronnie.

Living like a pig in his own filth, he's halfway to death's door already when Ronnie tracks him down. Does Ronnie care enough about him to help him out of the mess he's in or will he just drag her and little Tony down with him...?

Carroll Baker is a nice touch too as Lovelle Summers, Ronnie's one ally in a strange city. The former sex symbol, who won a Golden Globe for being the MOST PROMISING NEWCOMER of 1956 for her role in Tennessee Williams' BABY DOLL, still looks pretty hot as she pulls a much younger man on a night out and ties him to her bed, the horny little hussy.

As I may have hinted earlier, NETWORK DISTRIBUTING and BLUE DOLPHIN PR & MARKETING are currently on a mission to bring quality vintage British films to the viewing public. NETWORK is, in fact, the home of 'The British Film' collection, the ultimate destination for vintage British films, and BLONDE FIST is out now on Blu-Ray and DVD.

Just to add that the superb and nail-biting HELL DRIVERS is also out now on Blu-Ray and DVD from the same people, and the excellent British version of JACK THE RIPPER starring Michael Caine will be out next week on March 27th, 2017.

Keep yourself occupied with BLONDE FIST for now, however. As was revealed by my intense investigations on all of your behalves, it's not a porno. Don't panic, though. It's top-notch British viewing and, what's even better, there's plenty more where that came from so stay tuned for further developments. I'll leave you now with one of my favourite lines from the film:

'It's meant to be dead exciting, is Barnsley...!'

I bet it is, an'all.


Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:


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