24 April 2017



                                 'The last time I had sperm inside me was in the second grade...'

They went from rags... to bitches...!

This is the story of two middle-aged women who really should have known better. Sandra Oh and Anne Heche play Veronica and Ashley respectively, two American broads in their forties (I'm being kind, much too kind!) who've each reached a kind of crossroads in their lives.

Veronica Salt is a housewife whose son is growing up and away from her, as young 'uns tend to do, and her rich businessman husband doesn't even seem to respect her, never mind love her.

He definitely has a problem with her growing alcoholism, but only insofar as her drinking embarrasses him in front of his fancy work friends, and not because he gives a flying s**t about her. She clearly drinks because she feels unhappy and unfulfilled. Isn't that why anyone drinks? The problem is clearly getting out of hand, though. Her wine glass is even bigger than mine. I think we've left 'jeroboam' territory and moved onto 'Melchisedech' country...

Anne Heche's character Ashley Miller, a struggling artist, is not so clear-cut. She loves to paint, that's clear, but she doesn't seem happy in herself or in her life. She's bitter and disappointed about not having made it to the big time in her chosen profession, which is obviously understandable.

She's not even happy either though, it seems, to be the lesbian life partner (no kidding!) of Alicia Silverstone from CLUELESS and all those cheesy Aerosmith rock videos from the 'Nineties. Remember those, when Ms. Silverstone and Steve Tyler's daughter Liv (she's got her father's lips!) cavorted round the place showing us how carefree and spontaneous they were? Taking what we'd now call 'selfies' on some antiquated piece of equipment called a K-K-K-Kodak c-c-c-camera or whatever the f**k, haha. Happy days, my friends. Happy days.

Although I'm actually not gay myself, I wouldn't mind being the lesbian life partner of Alicia Silverstone's character in the film, Lisa, who works as a caterer and supports Ashley financially while Ashley tries to make it as an artist. Lisa's got lovely long hair and big hipster glasses and wears big woolly jumpers and lumberjack shirts and thick hiking socks and suchlike and you can just imagine how she'd spend her weekends.

That's right, folks. She'd be trekking around the antique shops and art galleries or squeezing sperm out of her best male friend so she can have a baby all by herself or sitting cross-legged on the couch in her thick socks, holding a giant glass of wine like it's a brandy balloon and listening to music, hipster music. I could live like that. Except for the hipster music. I'm strictly a rock fan, me. Love a nice bit of AC/DC, I do.

Anyway, the paths of Ashley and Veronica, who actually know each other from their long-distant college days, cross by accident one day when Ashley is begrudgingly helping Lisa to cater for one of Veronica's hubby's fancy-pants business parties.

They instantly have each other pegged for what each of them fear most about themselves. Veronica hurtfully dismisses Ashley as a dabbler in 'that painting thing you used to do' and a waste of space, basically. Ashley in turn accuses Veronica of merely being a 'trophy wife' who hangs off of her husband's coat-tails and has no worth in her own right. Mia-ow.

The two 'ladies,' and I use the term loosely, I assure you, go head-to-head no fewer than three times in this anti-war film that sure goes about putting its message across in a funny way. The first time, I could tolerate the fisticuffs because each character was at her lowest peak and obviously needed to let off steam. The film takes an extraordinary turn after the first physical scuffle, by the way. You'll be surprised at where it's going but stay with it.

The second fight between the gals, on the other hand, is just gratuitous violence and it made me feel a bit sick. I mean, who wants to see women hitting each other in the face and
around the head with wrenches and hammers? And who in their right mind laughs at a pregnant women being knocked unconscious by a cinder-block falling on her head? I mean, that isn't funny, is it? Even in today's You-Tuber society where people will laugh at nearly anything, surely that wouldn't be funny by anyone's standards?

It's not even sexy boxing, just in case any naughty guys out there are getting their hopes up. No blouses get ripped and torn off, no boobies burst free from their confines and no-one yanks down anyone else's pants. It's just plain old murderous fighting, bashing, punching, whatever you want to call it, and the results are bloody and not even remotely pretty to look at.

As for their third spat, it's pretty much a case of overkill for me, but you guys can of course make up your own minds. I liked the character of Donna, Veronica's black maid with a son in the Army, and I hated the character of Little Miss 'Blue Bunnies.' A squeaky, childish voice doesn't of itself constitute humour, in my book. A little more than that is required to keep me satisfied, I'm afraid. (I just LOVE how utterly superior I sound!)

The funniest scene in the film for me was the baby shower in which Lisa the Lesbian Life Partner of Ashley rejects all of her friends' gifts because they're either not 'safe' enough or politically correct enough. 

It reminds me of the time that Marge Simpson of THE SIMPSONS was barred from hosting 'The Midday Mommies' because the food and drink she served to the toddlers was full of 'harmful' additives and wasn't 'organic' enough. Marge was so upset by this that she went and spent nearly a thousand bucks on organic crap that wilted before she got it home, just like it does in real life, heh-heh-heh. 

This is the kind of humour I can get on board with. Call me a square but I would have liked to have seen some more humour of this kind in the movie rather than the 'biff, bash, ka-pow!' kind of thing the film-makers seemed to think was hilarious. A certain President gets a mention here too, by the way, proving how absolutely on-trend the film is.

CATFIGHT is available to buy from ARROW VIDEO as of today, April 24th, 2017. It comes with a featurette on the fight choreography, some deleted scenes, a trailer and a reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by THE RED DRESS.

If you like films about art, war, and in particular the art (and business) of war, then you'll love CATFIGHT. There's some stunningly beautiful Maine scenery in there as well, and as wacky a character you'll ever find anywhere in Veronica's loopy, tree-hugging Aunty Charlie. It's just the fighting I wasn't crazy about. Everything else is pretty much good to go...!


On DVD from Arrow Films 
On Blu-ray from Arrow Video

Blu-ray Exclusives:
High Definition Blu-ray (1080p) presentation
Optional subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing
Commentary with writer-editor-director Onur Tukel
Commentary with actors Sandra Oh and Anne Heche
Fight Choreography featurette
Deleted Scenes
Reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by The Red Dress
First pressing only: O-Card, Booklet featuring new writing on the film
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:


 You can contact Sandra at:


No comments:

Post a comment