WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY THE SNYGG BROTHERS.
STARRING PETER SULLIVAN, MARISOL CUSTODIO, JASMIN FLORES, A.J. KHAN AND JOHN PAUL FEDELE.
ALSO STARRING A HUGE RABBIT AND A REALLY NICE PAIR OF BOOBS.
REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
THIS EASTER, YOU HAVEN'T GOT A HOP IN HELL...
Well, I honest-to-God don't know where to start with this Easter-themed independent horror film. It's billed as 'THE GREATEST EASTER HORROR FILM EVER RELEASED.' Now, I'm not sure but I actually think that it's possibly the only Easter horror film ever released, unless you consider what happened to Jeebus in THE GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD and films of that ilk to constitute horror of a kind. Some might say that all that crucifixion-and-resurrection stuff is pretty damned grim.
Before we've blasphemed ourselves into an all-expenses-paid stay in Hell with no return ticket, maybe we'd better take a look at the plot of this extraordinary horror film. Well, I use the word 'plot' in the loosest sense of the word, and I probably shouldn't be using the word 'film' either, and the word 'horror' usually implies a few good scares, so I guess I really meant it when I mentioned that I didn't know where to start telling you about 'THE BEASTER BUNN Y.' What the hell, let's just dive in head first and see what we can come up with...
Okay, so a giant 'rabbit' is terrorising a small American town, see? No-one knows where it's come from, why it's the size of my credit card debt (humongous) or why it looks like like a child's moth-eaten stuffed rodent left over from the Victorian era. None of that stuff really matters, anyway.
The point is that, anywhere that women are taking their tops off, the Beaster Bunny will be there to ogle and then eviscerate. There's an hilarious scene at the start where a bare-breasted woman is running hysterically away from the 'Beast.' Her boobs are jiggling about so much that it kind of looks like she's using 'em as divining rods or something to tell her which way to go.
Attractive women are stripping off all over this town, so it's a good job that the Beaster Bunny is seemingly capable of being everywhere at once. A couple bent on having kinky sex in the woods get what's coming to them when the Beaster Bunny breaks up their horny little private party. Bloody body parts litter the forest before the Rabid Rodent is done with the sex-mad pair.
There are only two people who can stop its murderous rampage in time for the Easter-Day celebrations hosted by the town's crooked and corrupt, weed-smoking and minor-seducing Mayor Farnsworth. And who might these intrepid Bunny-Boilers (they don't really boil it, it's just a pun...!) be, I hear you ask? Why, they're Doug and Brenda from DOG CATCHERS IN THE RYE, the town's friendly dog-catching service, of course!
Doug is a gangly beardy weirdo who's trying to cope with the fact that he didn't win the (un)coveted award for Dog Catcher Of The Year. He only came second. Aw, poor Doug. Brenda is a cutesy-pie airy-fairy arts student who's only taking this lousy job so her father won't cut her off without a cent.
Brenda thinks that Doug is a gangly beardy weirdo and Doug would like to insinuate his lanky self into Brenda's underwear. Brenda doesn't fancy his chances. Neither, frankly, do I...
The saving-the-town-in-time-for-the-busiest-day-in-the-town's-socio-economic calendar is not a new idea. It's straight out of Steven Spielberg's JAWS, to quote just one example, in which Mayor Larry Vaughan's lucrative Fourth of July weekend is all but ruined by a very naughty shark you probably haven't heard of. Yes, this little-known film did for the ocean what 'THE BEASTER BUNNY' does for, erm, rabbit burrows. Well, you think of something pithy to say, then...!
The crooked Mayor Farnsworth, who's clearly attended the Mayor Quimby (from THE SIMPSONS) School Of Corruption, is a great character, although he looks like a douchebag I once had a thing with. I now regret that night deeply. It was a mistake for all the parties concerned.
Oh, and speaking of bad sex (well, I was!), Brenda's Dad has an unusual sexual fetish that might just get your nostrils twitching in delight, so don't forget to check that out, along with the mildly amusing wedding toast at the start of the movie.
This madcap, completely crackpot independent horror film is out now on DVD, ON-DEMAND and DOWNLOAD courtesy of SECOND SIGHT and AIM PUBLICITY. Just in time for Easter, yay!
The best things about it are the excellent tagline (This Easter, you haven't got a HOP in hell), the flea-bitten rodent who passes for a rabbit and the smashing pair of big, bouncy tits on the first female victim. I know that that'll be enough to attract a few viewers right off the bat.
Would I recommend this movie? Yes, yes I would. Heartily and whole-heartedly. It's a great laugh. It makes the B-movies and creature-features from the 'Fifties look like a sack of shite. (God forgive me for telling such a terrible lie. I'm going to hell for sure now. ) Sure, it's eighty minutes of your life you'll never get back, but think of the boobies. For the love of God, won't somebody please think of the boobies...?
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
You can contact Sandra at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
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