5 December 2017



'You might be home but you're not alone...'

I'm in the rather unusual position here of reviewing a movie before I've actually seen it but, to tell you the God's-honest-truth, the PR bribed me with chocolate. Ha! You think I'm kidding, don't you? Well, compulsive exaggerator though I may be, in this instance I can assure you that I'm not being mendacious. (That means fibbing...!) No, I'm actually being serious.

The lovely Elle (isn't that a beautiful name?) from FETCH PUBLICITY kindly sent me for Christmas this year, no, not two turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree, but an Advent Calendar with a difference. It's a chocolate-filled calendar specially designed to count down the twelve days till the cinematic release of holiday horror-comedy movie BETTER WATCH OUT on Friday the 8th of December. I have only one thing to say to this. Where's my f**king partridge, man...?

December the Eighth is a big day in the Irish calendar, incidentally, as it's a religious holiday and traditionally the day when a bazillion culchies, or simple country folk, converge on Dublin City Centre to buy the Christmas presents for the poor simple folk back home. Any Irish culchies reading this will lynch me now, I suppose. Well, as long as they leave it until after the 8th. I've got a movie to see on the 8th, lol...!

I do love a nice holiday horror movie, don't you? A string of hideous murders always seems so much more gruesome, somehow, when it takes place under cover of tinsel and holly, turkey and cranberry sauce, dontcha think?

My favourite Christmas-themed horror film at the moment has got to be the original BLACK CHRISTMAS movie from 1974. It stars Margot Kidder from THE AMITYVILLE HORROR, one of the best horror films ever made bar none, and it's the story of a sick and twisted serial killer (is there any other kind?) who cuts a murderous swathe through a bunch of college girls in a certain sorority because, well, because he bloody well feels like it, haha. It's his Christmas too, after all.

If BETTER WATCH OUT turns out to be a hit, and all early indications say that it will, it'll join such exalted company as the aforementioned BLACK CHRISTMAS, RED CHRISTMAS, SILENT NIGHT BLOODY NIGHT, TALES FROM THE CRYPT AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE, GREMLINS, ELVES, SANTA CLAWS, JACK FROST, THE GINGERDEAD MAN, THE GINGERDEAD MAN 2: THE PASSION OF THE CRUST, SANTA'S SLAY, THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY and KRAMPUS in the list of best holiday-themed horror flicks ever. Some great puns in there too. THE GINGERDEAD MAN takes the cake, though...!

Let's have a quick look at the plot of BETTER WATCH OUT before we finish, although no spoilers because we want everyone who goes to see the film in the cinema from December 8th to have loads of thrills, spills and bellyaches to look forward to.

As I haven't even seen the film myself yet, I'm immensely looking forward to it. It'll be my most hotly-anticipated horror film of the year after Stephen King's IT, and Stephen King didn't bother his rich and famous arse to send me no chocolate to sweeten the deal. Very remiss of him. I'll have a few strong words with his PR peeps in a minute. Yes, of course I have their contact details. I'm not some f**king nobody. (Psst! Does anyone have Stephen King's PR peoples' contact details, please?)

Anyway, there's a young sort of pre-teen lad in the film called Luke who's being left alone for the night with Ashley, the beautiful blonde female babysitter, while his parents go off gallivanting somewhere. Straight away, I can tell you that this is a terrible idea.

All that boys of this age think about is sex. Their hormones are running riot. The last person they need to be left alone with for the night is a beautiful blonde female babysitter called Ashley. Especially if she's called Ashley. Those are always the sexiest ones, lol.

I'm always shocked and disapproving when the negligent parents in movies team their impressionable young sons with the beautiful older females in a babysitting scenario, and then expect things not to end in a slew of police cars outside the house with their lights flashing and cops winding crime scene tape around the whole f**king neighbourhood. Stupid parents, lol. Don't worry. They'll get what's coming to 'em. Well, maybe not in this exact film, but in other films they do, so there.

Anyway, to this already highly flammable mixture you can add a couple of Ashley's ex-boyfriends (still sniffing around, eh, losers?) and a terrifying masked intruder with a shotgun and now, you've got yourself a real party. Now, the fun and games can really start. No, not charades, for Chrissakes. It's not that kind of party, goddammit.

I can't say any more than this for fear of spoilers but, from the other reviews I've read by people who've actually seen the film, you can be assured of a knife-edge roller-coaster ride to the very verge of madness and chaos. Sure, Christmas Day in my house is like that every year, haha. You'd need a bottle of Valium and a bucket of vodka to get through it in one feckin' piece.

Anyway, many thanks again to the lovely Elle from FETCH PUBLICITY, who was the first PR ever to find the direct route to my frozen heart, ie, with free chocolate. Very nice. Unlike some of the other PR peeps, the mad ones who expect me to write my reviews without any more incentive than the sheer love of movies and the feeling of a job well done. As if...!

And go and see BETTER WATCH OUT in the cinema from December 8th, and then buy it when it comes out on home entertainment release, otherwise I might not get any more nice free stuff from the nice PR companies I deal with. It's a small price to pay for my continued happiness and well-being, surely? I'd do it for you guys. I would, honestly. Swear to God. Cross my heart and hope to die...



Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:


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