SWITCHBLADE ROMANCE. (ALSO KNOWN AS 'HAUTE TENSION' OR 'HIGH TENSION'). 2003. WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY ALEXANDRE AJA. STARRING CÉCILE DE FRANCE, MAIWENN DE BESCO AND PHILIPPE NAHON. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
This famously violent French Extremity film has been individually described as 'Bloody Scary!,' 'Hideously Violent, Sexy Horror,' and 'One Of The Craziest Psycho Slasher Killer Flicks You'll Ever See.' I know that it's the job of the-back-of-the-DVD-box to 'big up' the film contained within its stiff plastic confines but, in this case, the plaudits all happen to be pretty much accurate. This film turned my sensitive stomach (in a good way!) with its high-octane bloody violence and I was blown away by the twist at the end.
Here's the deal. Marie and Alex are two young, attractive French women who are driving through the French countryside in the dark of night to reach the remote farmhouse-home of Alex's family. When they get there, they intend to take advantage of the peace and quiet to study and maybe spend some quality time with Alex's parents and her adorable little brother Tom, who wears a cowboy suit.
I believe it was the Scottish poet Robbie Burns who said: 'The best-laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley.' In other words, for Christ's sake don't make plans. It just gives the universe a good laugh at your expense. I'm sure you've worked out by now that Alex and Marie's study-vacation goes spectacularly, gloriously tits-up in super-quick time. Give yourself a pat on the back if you worked that out, then keep reading while I try to show you the full spectrum of the film's awesomeness without giving away the whole bloody plot...
Okay. The very first night of Alex and Marie's vacation, the family farmhouse, which is spookily surrounded on all sides by creepy cornfields, is the subject of an horrendous home invasion. The invader is a big burly trucker whom we've already seen- ahem- getting head from, well, a head. Don't try to understand that, just watch the film, haha.
Without telling you precisely which characters are affected, this mean old devil of a trucker cuts a bloody swathe through the vulnerable, mostly sleeping household. Then he makes off with one of them in the back of his truck, most definitely with the intention of doing some disgustingly degrading things to them at his leisure in the privacy of his own home or truck. We've already seen what he did to the head, heh-heh-heh.
Unbeknownst to the trucker, however (excuse the old-fashioned terminology, but I don't think there is an effective, modern way to say that!), someone is on his trail. Someone who has no problem with taking the law into their own hands if they can't get any help from the actual law. Someone who won't give up until this mean, ornery sumbitch hands back his captive and, maybe, just maybe, gets what's coming to him as well. This mother-trucker may just have f**ked with the wrong m****r-f****r, heh-heh-heh... (Sorry for the swears, I got a bit carried away with all the violence!)
The violence is hard to take but it's all horribly believable, sadly, and the special effects- blood, etc.- are excellent. The action takes place primarily at night and the shots of the countryside, the woods and the cornfields and whatnot, are fantastic. Like I said at the beginning, the twist at the end is terrific too, but it's hard to say much more without giving the game away entirely.
I'll therefore finish by saying that this is a well-plotted, tightly-scripted horror film of the slasher genre that makes some of the other films in the genre look like DISNEY ON ICE. Terrible analogy? Ah, you know what I mean. I could have said THE TELETUBBIES CHRISTMAS SPECIAL, THE SOUND OF MUSIC or even SANTA'S LITTLE ELVES MEET BAMBI AT THE TEDDY BEARS' PICNIC. There are many things I could have picked, but I made my choice and I'm sticking to it. Just watch the film. You'll see what I mean.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based performance poet, novelist, film blogger, sex blogger and short story writer. She has given more than 200 performances of her comedy sex-and-relationship poems in different venues around Dublin, including The Irish Writers' Centre, The International Bar, Toners' Pub (Ireland's Most Literary Pub), the Ha'penny Inn, Le Dernier Paradis at the Trinity Inn and The Strokestown Poetry Festival.
Her articles, short stories and poems have appeared in The Metro-Herald newspaper, Ireland's Big Issues magazine, The Irish Daily Star, The Irish Daily Sun and The Boyne Berries literary journal. In August 2014, she won the ONE LOVELY BLOG award for her (lovely!) horror film review blog. She is addicted to buying books and has been known to bring home rain-washed tomes she finds on the street and give them a home. In 2003, she was invited to be a guest on Niall Boylan's 98FM late-night radio talk show purely on the basis of having a 'sexy voice.'
She is the proud possessor of a pair of unfeasibly large bosoms. They have given her- and the people around her- infinite pleasure over the years. She adores the horror genre in all its forms and will swap you anything you like for Hammer Horror or JAWS memorabilia. She would also be a great person to chat to about the differences between the Director's Cut and the Theatrical Cut of The Wicker Man. You can contact her at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
One of my favourite French horrors!
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