PULSE, HAUNTED OFFICE AND SICK NURSES: A TRIPLE BILL OF HORRIFIC ASIAN HORROR BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
PULSE. 2001. A JAPANESE HORROR FILM DIRECTED BY KIYOSHI KUROSAWA. STARRING KUMIKO ASO AND HARUHIKO KATO.
HAUNTED OFFICE. 2002. A CHINESE HORROR FILM DIRECTED BY MARCO MAK. STARRING JORDAN CHAN, STEPHEN FUNG AND KAREN MOK.
SICK NURSES. 2007. A THAI HORROR FILM DIRECTED BY PIRAPHAN LAOYONT AND THODSAPOL SIRIWIWAT. STARRING WICHAN JARUJINDA.
I'm feeling generous today, which is why I'm setting before all you lucky readers a virtual table laden with delectable cinematic treats of the Orient. And from no fewer than three different Asian countries, if you please, each with their own inimitable taste and style.
So, chopsticks at the ready and let's dig in to the deliciously copsmopolitan dishes I've so lovingly prepared for you, shall we? Yes, we're talking about films but in a way we're also talking about food. I don't know about you guys but I find that the two go hand in hand more often than not.
Comic Book Guy from THE SIMPSONS may have said that cheeseburgers and loneliness were a bit of a lethal combination but we've got Asian horror films and each other, and if any of you out there have access to sushi, noodles and a few piping hot spring rolls as well, we're more than sorted. Let's get started...
PULSE is probably the most superior of all three movies. You've heard of ghosts in the machine? Well, this is more a case of ghosts in the Internet from back when the Internet was still in its infancy. Well, it was probably more in the toddler stages, haha. The terrible twos.
Ah yes, the temper tantrums phase when the Internet would chuck its toys out of the pram and refuse point-blank to go potty in the, well, potty, preferring instead to put its fat little fisties in its diaper and fling its poop at everything from the dog to Great Auntie Ethel, who almost certainly would prescribe some sort of tough love as the remedy to such uncivilised behaviour.
Ghosts are permeating the world of the living through peoples' computers. Two parallel storylines converge to bring Michi, a plant sales-woman, together with Ryosuke, an economics student, in a terrifying post-apocalyptic Tokyo. Ghosts are everywhere, thanks to the prevalence of computers. People are disappearing at the rate of knots, leaving only black stains behind to show that there was ever anyone there. It's all a bit icky.
Can Michi and Ryosuke somehow make it to safety, even though planes are dropping out of the sky and people are leaping to their deaths from the tops of buildings? God knows. And where is safety now, anyway? This film was slow to start but the last half hour or so, from the spooky abandoned factory onwards, is absolutely superb. The poundingly onomatopeic soundtrack will put the willies up you all on its own and no mistake.
PULSE taps into my deepest fears about somehow being unfortunate enough to be among the last survivors of a zombie (or other) apocalypse, so if you have similar fears, and I know that lots of people do, then this should work for you too.
I kind of hope I don't survive the initial blast, or whatever it is that kills off the rest of ye. I have no survivalist skills. I wouldn't last five minutes, unless I managed to hook up with some bloke, haha. Any guys out there want to commit to taking on an utterly hopeless female in the event of a zombie apocalypse...? Message me privately, heh-heh-heh. If nothing else, we'll have a few laughs.
HAUNTED OFFICE is more of a bit of harmless fun compared to the chilling PULSE. It does exactly what it says on the tin. It's the story of a high-rise office building that appears to claim the
lives of nine people on a cyclical basis. A stall in one of the ladies' bathrooms is haunted to buggery in the first vignette, routinely freaking out the women who have to use it. Well, it would do, wouldn't it?
In another scenario, a bleached-blonde Eminem-lookalike of a boss has a staff so loyal to him that they apparently keep on working for him even after they've died, if you can believe that. I bet that C. Montgomery Burns would heartily approve of that can-do attitude...! Plus, I bet corpse workers make for cheaper labour. After all, what do they need money for? Tombstone polish...?
And finally, an attractive male graphic designer working in the haunted office block has to choose between two women, one of whom may not be all she appears. Well, you can guess immediately which one he's gonna be drawn to like a fly to an attractively presented turd, can't you?
The subtitles for this film were hilariously bad, by the way. Sadly, it meant that the film wasn't in the least bit scary. On the contrary, it was funny, confusing and a bit chaotic at times. Still good fun, though, and worth at least one watch, in my ever so humble opinion, haha.
Great location, too. Office buildings are scary places to be, especially at night. As the people in this film only ever seem to work in the middle of the night, you can be sure the shocks and scares come thick and fast. Whether you'll actually be frightened or not is another matter entirely...
SICK NURSES is an utterly surreal film. Seven extremely hot, sexy Thai nurses complete with sexy nurse uniforms work in a Bangkok hospital with no patients. That's right, no patients. They all vie for the attentions of the young and handsome Dr. Tar, a player if ever there was one. He plays the nurses off against each other slickly while running a black market operation in body parts. Well, why not, says you? There sure as heck isn't anyone around to stop him...!
However, when one of the nurses discovers his affair with her sister and fellow nurse, she threatens to pull the plug on his black market scam. Dr. Tar can't have that. Oh, dear me, no. He encourages his hos to kill her, but her ghost returns to feed on the individual weaknesses and obsessions of her former co-workers.
The results are bloody, twisted and disgusting. The film isn't called SICK NURSES for nothing. I thought it was far-fetched but terrifically gory, stomach-turning fun. Watch it!
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline.You can contact her at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
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