BE MY CAT: A FILM FOR ANNE. (2015) WRITTEN, DIRECTED AND PRODUCED BY ADRIAN TOFEI. CINEMATOGRAPHY/EDITED BY/DISTRIBUTED BY ADRIAN TOFEI.
STARRING ADRIAN TOFEI, SONIA TEODORIU, FLORENTINA HARITON AND ALEXANDRA STROE.
REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
I always think that the scariest horror films are the ones about things that could really happen to you in your everyday life. Sure, we all enjoy having the bejeesus scared out of us by films like NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD or THE EXORCIST, but chances are that in real life, we're not really going to be chased through a graveyard by rotting corpses and our daughters won't suddenly start projectile vomiting pea-soup on us or doing unspeakable things with crucifixes. Until they become teenagers, that is. Then all bets are off...!
No, the scary things are the psychopaths who one day decide that they're going to take you away forever from your family, your kids and loved ones and pets, and your job and home just because you happen to fulfil some sick criteria they've trumped up in their damaged minds.
Like Buffalo Bill in the movie THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS. One minute it's going about its business as happy as Larry, next minute it's stuck down a hole in some guy's house, putting the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again...!
It's every mother's nightmare, isn't it, worrying every time their son or daughter steps foot outside the house that they'll end up in the grubby hands of the friendly neighbourhood psychopath. Just think of all the people, male and female, who've disappeared without trace over the years. Even here in Ireland, we have our fair share of these. It's hard not to speculate on their eventual fate...
What Romanian film-maker Adrian Tofei has done here is nothing short of a nasty little cinematic miracle. He's made the ultimate common-or-garden-psychopath-stalking-a-celebrity-female film.
Not only is he pretty much a one-man band in this production, doing everything himself bar slapping on a wig and heels and playing the womens' parts as well, but he's created a found-footage film that's so real, you're actually left wondering if what you're watching actually is real, if you see what I mean. His acting is so natural and just so goddamned good, it's like we're seeing fact, not fiction, on the screen in front of us...
Not only is he pretty much a one-man band in this production, doing everything himself bar slapping on a wig and heels and playing the womens' parts as well, but he's created a found-footage film that's so real, you're actually left wondering if what you're watching actually is real, if you see what I mean. His acting is so natural and just so goddamned good, it's like we're seeing fact, not fiction, on the screen in front of us...
Adrian plays himself, a man who's making a film. The guy in the film is obsessed with cats and the actress Anne Hathaway, who played Catwoman in the movie THE DARK KNIGHT RISES (2012), surely one of the highest-grossing and most talked-about movies of the modern era.
This guy, a tall, well-built good-looking Romanian fella, wants to make a movie with Anne Hathaway. He wants her to star in a film he writes and directs. To encourage her to come to his house in Romania to make a movie (he's never left his home town; in fact, he has a bit of a phobia about it, so SHE'S gonna have to come to HIM, see?), he's making a film in his house with three actresses.
When Anne Hathaway sees the film, naturally she'll hop on the first plane to Romania to work with Adrian. In his house. Where he lives with his dear old mum. That's the plan, anyway...
The film he's making is pretty much a snuff film. He's planning to murder the actresses he's lured to his house on false pretences on camera, chatting away to Anne the whole time, and when they're dead he'll dress them in the sexy catsuits he's cobbled together somehow.
It's a macabre tribute to the world-famous actress whose reaction to this wonderfully sick and dangerous film I'd give anything to see. Jesus Christ Almighty, what would you think if someone did something like this for you? What could you think? I can't even begin to imagine. You'd probably be too terrified to be flattered. Like in every movie ever when the crazy person's gone up to the slightly less crazy person and said: 'But I killed him/her/them for YOU, darling! For US...!'
The way that Adrian treats the actresses is horrifyingly bullying and abusive and yet all too real. I'm sure that actresses in real life have to put up with all kinds of shit treatment from men just to get a part. They're nothing to him, these women, he admits as much. They're just things, commodities, essential to his movie but he doesn't give a shit about them as people.
He's especially horrible to the second actress, calling her fat when she's not remotely fat and making her feel worthless and like a big stupid weirdo when she makes the mistake of admitting that she's attracted to him. She's come halfway across the country just to meet him.
Well, I've got news for Mr. Adrian Tofei, the big hotshot film-maker with the horror festivals all eating out of his hand and awards for this marvellous horror flick coming out of his ears. I was quite attracted to him myself, haha, seriously deranged serial killer though he is. And I bet I know exactly what he'd say to that news:
'Oh my fucking God, fuck you, you stupid crazy lady to fancy me, don't be jealous Anne my darling, I will kill stupid fucking crazy lady and she won't bother us again, hahahahahahahaha...!'
His laugh is brilliantly insane, by the way, and the house is well suited to the making of such a nasty little film, with its grotty basement and warren of darkened corridors and seemingly endless doors leading to God-knows-where.
Will all three vulnerable young actresses, who clearly had no idea what they were letting themselves in for when they answered Adrian's casting call, succumb to the crazed director's lust for blood or will at least one of them be a match for him...?
You'll have to watch the film for yourselves to find out, dear readers, but don't be surprised to find, while you're watching it, that you're beginning to confuse what's real for what's not real. Much like I did in my review, haha...!
Adrian's been described by ARTSPLOITATION FILMS as: 'the most believable psychopath since Norman Bates.' I really couldn't have put it better myself. Now here comes the promotional spiel, so concentrate, you lovely film-fans, you...!
Adrian Țofei’s Award-Winning Horror “Be My Cat: A Film for Anne” Coming to VOD & DVD
Romania’s first found footage horror movie Be My Cat: A Film for Anne (English-language) is going to be released worldwide on Vimeo On Demand on December 5th, 2016.
It is currently available for pre-order HERE. Releases on Amazon Video, Prime and DVD will follow in January 2017.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
You can contact Sandra at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
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