HOUSE OF VHS aka GHOSTS IN THE MACHINE. (2016) WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY GAUTIER CAZENAVE. STARRING FLORIE AUCLERC-VIALENS, RUY BUCHHOLZ (EWEN BLUMENSTEIN), MORGAN LAMORTÉ, DELPHINE LANNIEL, ISABEL MCCANN AND PETUR OSKAR SIGURDSSON. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
I love those brilliant low-budget horror films where a bunch of dopey, horny young 'uns spend a few days and nights in a creepy old house that turns out to be haunted, and the house tries to kill them and only the least objectionable of the horrible teens are left alive, heh-heh-heh.
Anyway, in this film it looks like the film-makers gave us the most unpleasant characters they could come up with so that we'd be praying fervently throughout the film for the ghosts/zombies/monsters or whatever's lurking within the walls of the house to leave no stone unturned and horribly butcher the whole feckin' lot of 'em.
Six young people, known to us only by their varied nationalities, are spending a few days in a haunted house in France sans any form of technology, such as cellphones or Internet. The lack of hairdryers is causing the ladies in particular some major consternation. Let's take a look at the characters briefly so we know who's who in this smorgasbord of cosmopolitan delights...!
The two Italian and Belgian Girls are giant sluts, but the Belgian one possibly more so. The blog-writing English Girl is clearly meant to be the more sensible and least looks-orientated of the trio of Sheilas but she's such a neurotic, irritating and screechy nightmare that you just want to shove her face in a blender to put her (and us!) out of her misery once and for all.
The American Guy is part Icelandic and one hundred percent all muscular dickhead jock. The French Guy (known as 'Frog' because he apparently 'looks' like one) is an only slightly less objectionable version of his 'Murican counterpart.
The Australian Guy isn't too unpleasant. In fact, I kind of like him with his studious-looking glasses and dark curly hair. But as for the rest, well, whatever's in the house is welcome to the whole bloomin' lot of 'em, as far as I'm concerned. They naaaaasty...
As it happens, there aren't any marauding serial killers or axe-wielding intruders running around the place. What happens is that Australia finds a stack of old videotapes out in the shed and an old VCR machine on which to play 'em. As they have nothing much else to do apart from having sex and squabbling with each other and bitching about the lack of amenities, they all gather round...
Naturally, the horrible young people who are all of the modern 'downloading' generation, are suitably scathing about a method of technology that their grandparents would apparently have used. Cheeky little brats! I'm no-one's granny and I've owned a VCR, right up to the middle of the 'Noughties when my son had shoved so many slices of buttery toast and army men inside it as to render it unusable.
But I've watched videotapes. I've even recorded stuff on my old VCR. In fact, I was unceremoniously dumped by one boyfriend when he asked me specifically to record a football match for him but I accidentally recorded the Antiques Roadshow instead. Or was it the other way around? Either way, there were no second chances for the dopey girlfriend. I was out on my ear..
I miss the VCR era sometimes. I signed up to Xtra-Vision and I used to borrow, like, five or six films a week back in the early 'Noughties. I remember renting WHITE OLEANDER, MONSTER: THE AILEEN WUORNOS STORY and BUNDY, among others. Oh, happy days!
Nowadays, charity shops are full of videotapes that only folks who still have a working VCR will even consider taking off their hands. I'd love it if videotapes became 'cool' and 'retro' like vinyl records have done and we could all buy/watch 'em again. I'm keeping a few of my favourite old tapes handy just in case...!
Anyway, once the horny young 'uns start watching the marvellous collection of old B-movies,
monster movies, horror films (There are even clips from the marvellous classic chiller CARVIVAL OF SOULS in here too!) and Westerns, etc., some weird stuff begins to happen around the place. The kids are wildly excited at first and then freaked out.
Will Sadako kill 'em all or will she be merciful? Sorry. Wrong film, but you get the gist. Don't you? Bad stuff happens when you watch these tapes. Especially if you don't follow the warning: DO NOT TOUCH THE TAPE INSIDE...
Will Sadako kill 'em all or will she be merciful? Sorry. Wrong film, but you get the gist. Don't you? Bad stuff happens when you watch these tapes. Especially if you don't follow the warning: DO NOT TOUCH THE TAPE INSIDE...
The warning is as clear as day. As long as the kids abide by it, they'll be fine. Oh no, wait. Belgium touched the tape inside. Well, that's the lot of 'em doomed, so. Well, that'll teach 'em to say that only grannies and grandads have ever used VCRs and videotapes. Little punks...! Enjoy your horrible deaths, haha.
The film is on release now thanks to a lovely bunch of people known as BOUNTY FILMS. I'll leave you with a load of links and stuff to the buying of the film and information about BOUNTY FILMS, so you guys can't say I never do anything for you, haha. Have fun watching HOUSE OF VHS but remember, DO NOT TOUCH THE TAPE INSIDE. It's more trouble than it's worth...
Purchase House of VHS
Stream Now: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/houseofvhs
Pre Order DVD: http://bountyentertainment.com.au/shop/all/comedy/house-of-vhs/
Social Media:
Web: http://marteau.film/vhs/
IMDB:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3196692/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/house.vhs/
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