7 November 2016



It's a bloody good job I'm not a bleedin' vegetarian, or I would never have been able to stomach this gory, dripping, red-blooded meaty prime cut of a film, set in a butchers' shop and dealing at least partially with the slaughtering, chopping up, stringing up and selling of nice fleshy cuts of, well, meat.

Haha, is that the sound of vegetarians throwing up in protest I hear out there? Don't panic, all ye lovely leaf-munchers and carrot-crunchers who might be reading this. The film, an erotic thriller and a half, is not all about meat.

In fact, it's mostly about sex, believe it or not, sex and meat and naked fleshy bodies slapping and flapping against each other in a moist, carnal celebration of life, love and a nice bit of prime rib. F***ing hell, I'm turning myself on here with all this sexy writing...

There are two main characters in the film, my first Dutch film in a good long while, I might add. There's Nellie Bender as Roxy, the blonde sexy butchers' shop assistant, and then there's Titus Muizelaar who actually plays two roles, that of the Butcher and the police inspector who ends up investigating the Butcher's eventual murder. He's a solidly built man in his late fifties, very well kept and preserved for his age. Nice and hairy in all the right places too.

As the Butcher his hair is cropped short. As Inspector Mann, his long floppy hair and glasses make him the image of a guy I dated for a while in the 'Nineties. He was my 'sugar daddy,' you might say, for a bit, if by 'sugar daddy' you mean an older man who lavishes gifts on an impressionable younger woman with the sole intention of getting sex and slavish adoration in return.

Of course, you're not allowed to say 'sugar daddy' any more because, apparently, it's not politically correct. Nowadays, you gotta say 'glucose guardian,' if you can believe that, because that could refer to either sex, you see? What a load of twaddle, eh? Talk about political correctness gone mad.

My point is, anyway, that I was weirded-out by the fact that this guy, with or without the hair and glasses, looked so much like my ex whom, apparently, I'm still attracted to, haha, on account of I totally fancied this Titus fella in both roles. 

As the Butcher, he has sex from behind with his girlfriend (who's his own age, roughly) in the cold storage room where all the meat carcasses are hanging. Now that's hardly hygienic, is it? Tsk, tsk, They'll be having the health inspectors in for that, they will, as sure as eggs is eggs. Which they were, last time I looked. And don't ask me why I was looking, okay? I had my reasons...

The Butcher has sex with the much younger and prettier Roxy all over the shop. She works in the butchers' too and at first we think that the much older Butcher is severely sexually harrassing her, talking his dirty sexy talk into her ears all day long when they're meant to be working.

But then we see the hot little hussy responding to his kisses and caresses and his dirty talk and we know she's into it as much as he is, if not more so. Roxy, if I may say this without being accused of disrespect, is the kind of woman whom people tend to call a slut or a slapper, if you get me.

She has a boyfriend Mo, who uses her for sex while being all the time engaged to a much more suitable woman back in his home country of Turkey. Roxy, as we already know, allows the Butcher to f**k her six ways till Sunday in the butchers' shop.

Far from being repelled by his age, she seems to welcome the touch of his big capable hands on her soft white flesh and his nice meaty thingy in her tight pink moist pussy. They say stuff like this in the film, by the way, in fact every second bloody word is 'pussy,' so I can't get into trouble for using the word in my review. I'm only saying what they say in the film, heh-heh-heh...! Take it up with the film-makers if you have a problem. (She says piously...!)

The sex in the shower, brilliantly filmed from above, is so realistic that I think they're really doing it. What's that you say? Who cares how they film it if they're showing people doing it? Yeah, yeah, I know, it doesn't really matter, does it, but as it happens they do film it well and effectively. I've got to be seen to be looking at things like cinematography and suchlike, haha, even though I was mostly glued to the sex.

There's a rape scene in the film involving Roxy too, which is hard to watch. I suppose if I said I thought she was 'asking for it' because she willingly went off in a car with a bunch of horny guys while wearing only one of those barely-there 'bandage' dresses round her middle, I'd be lynched by the feminists, so I won't say it. 

I'll just say that she seems to be one of those women who's destined to spend her life being used and abused by men. It's sad, but here it makes for great watching.

The character of Inspector Mann is a very interesting one. His own love-life is a train-wreck, he's a useless rotten failure in the eyes of his invalid mother and at work, he's got to kow-tow to younger upstarts who have seniority to him. His life's basically shit and it ain't getting any less shit.

I'd love to see him have his own weekly detective series, like LEWIS or INSPECTOR MORSE or MIDSOMER MURDERS or even that Dutch fella, VAN DER VALK. Van Der Valk was Dutch, wasn't he? I'm sure he was. Anyway, Inspector Mann would be great in one of those yokes.

Now, as they used to say on those stupid shampoo commercials, here comes the science bit, or in this case the promotional bit, so concentrate...!

Meat will be released September 20, 2016 on the following platforms:
I highly recommend this dirty, sexy, bloody meaty steak dinner of a film, coming to you from the wonderful folks at ARTSPLOITATION FILMS. It's the best time I've had going Dutch in a while, I'll tell you that much...!


Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:


 You can contact Sandra at:


No comments:

Post a comment