1 November 2016

WOLF CREEK/THE DESCENT/CREEP/THE CALLER: 'MINI' REVIEWS BY SANDRA HARRIS.




WOLF CREEK/ THE DESCENT/ CREEP/ THE CALLER: A GRISLY QUARTET OF 'MINI' HALLOWEEN HORROR FILM REVIEWS FROM SANDRA HARRIS. ©

WOLF CREEK. (2005) DIRECTED BY GREG MCCLEAN. STARRING JOHN JARRATT, CASSANDRA MAGRATH, KESTIE MORASSI AND NATHAN PHILLIPS.

Wow. This is a really violent movie, with most of the violence in it being sexual and directed against women. That will probably turn off some folks and greatly interest others, haha. It's the story of three young backpackers, one bloke and two Sheilas (I'm saying that because this is an Aussie film...!) who have car trouble on a trip to Wolf Creek National Park and end up getting a tow from a man who turns out to be every backpacker's nightmare.

 Everything a backpacker might ever have worried about is all contained in this one man. In other words, welcome to Hell, ye dopey feckin' backpackers...!

The Man is played by John Jarratt, a nice big burly Aussie actor who many moons ago had a big role in one of the best and scariest films to ever come out of Australia, namely Peter Weir's PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK (1975).

I actually thought that WOLF CREEK was going in the same direction as PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK when I saw the crater and the bit about all the backpackers' watches stopping at the same time, but then we see the flash of headlights and realise that a friendly native has happened along to play the good Samaritan to three lost lambs in trouble...

Brilliant film, super-violent and well worth watching if you think you've got the stomach for it. A sequel came out in 2013 which I haven't yet seen, but I intend making it my business to see it ASAP. I'm a big fan of John Jarratt's and I was delighted to see him in such a 'meaty' role, pun definitely intended...!

THE DESCENT. (2005) WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY NEIL MARSHALL. STARRING SHAUNA MACDONALD, NATALIE MENDOZA AND NORA JANE NOONE.

This is a pretty terrifying concept. Six female friends go spelunking and find themselves trapped in a hellish underground kingdom of the... Well, I can't say for fear of spoilers but let's just say that you wouldn't want to bump into them down a dark alley in the middle of the night...

Spelunking means the practice of cave exploration, by the way. It's a funny-sounding word, isn't it? If you take out two of its letters you can end up with a very rude word indeed. See if you can work out what it is, haha. Yes, yes, I'll get my mind out of the gutter now so please spare me any of your remonstrances...!

The funny thing about this film is that, though it's set in 'Murica and looks very 'Murican indeed (yes, having teased the Aussies I thought it was time to poke some gentle fun at the Yanks...!), it was actually filmed in good old Blighty (that's England!) and the cave scenes were actually filmed in Pinewood Studios near London. That seems almost incredible, given how realistic the caves look.

The first half of the film is a bit BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY-ish, that is to say, six women all meeting up for the first time in ages and knocking back the vino whilst reminiscing about the old days and wearing woolly socks with no shoes on and putting their feet up on each others' laps to indicate how relaxed they are and how much fun they're having.

The second half of the film sees the chums engaged in a vicious battle for survival as the underground inhabitants of the caves they've chosen to spelunk in (that still sounds funny to me...!) make it clear that they don't much care for intruders. Except as food, that is... 

Two of the women have unfinished business with each other as well that insists on rearing its ugly head down in the caves and the result is a good scary film that will give you nightmares if you're in any way claustrophobic. Or have a terrible fear of indigenous cave-dwellers...

CREEP. (2004) WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY CHRISTOPHER SMITH. STARRING FRANKA POTENTE AND SEAN HARRIS.

Apparently inspired by a scene from AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON, this is a gruesome little film about a young German woman who gets herself locked into the London Underground overnight and it's really all George Clooney's fault but I won't tell you how it's all George Clooney's fault. You'll have to watch the film to find out, haha.

Any-hoo, Kate (that's her name, don't wear it out...!) quickly discovers that she's not the only person down there in the bowels of the earth and that she's sharing her space with a wannabe-rapist, a homeless couple and their little bow-wow, one bored security guard and also, incidentally, an unspeakable evil. Oh yeah, you gotta have an unspeakable evil in there somewhere! That's what makes a film scary, see?

So, can Kate find her way out of the maze of tunnels before the titular 'Creep' gets a hold of her? What's with the spooky-looking underground clinic place, by the way? Who operated there? And, more importantly, who exactly was operated on...? And will anyone ever use the London Underground again after seeing this film? Unlikely, especially if the security is really as lax as it is in the film, snigger.

This film is a lot like THE DESCENT in some ways but, again, you'll have to watch both films to find out how. It has a few plotholes and the characters aren't exactly likeable but it's a good gory flick that'll put you off public transport for life and I'd definitely recommend it. PS, I'd never let George Clooney f**k up my life like that...!

THE CALLER. (2011) DIRECTED BY MATTHEW PARKHILL. STARRING RACHELLE LEFEVRE AND STEPHEN MOYER.

This film had such potential. A beautiful young woman called Mary (she has the most amazing head of hair!) separates from her abusive husband, only to start receiving nuisance phone calls from a weird woman when she moves into her new apartment. When the caller turns out to be phoning from the year 1979, things start to look very promising indeed for the viewers. Unfortunately, it's not long before we're disappointed. Bitterly disappointed, even.

The film is just so damned confusing and nothing really gets explained. Who exactly is this caller, for example, and is she from Mary's past or just the past in general? And if she's not from Mary's past, then what the hell is she doing poking around in it willy-nilly? That's another word that makes me smirk. Willy-nilly. It sounds like willy, haha.

What happens with Mary's new bloke John is ridiculous beyond words and unbelievable. Ditto with George the gardener. It's not clear at all what the film-makers are trying to do here. The ending is silly and not exactly believable either. It's just such a shame. This film could have been so good, if only the creators had made things less confusing.

The best bit of the film is the abusive husband storyline, which totally recalls (total recall, anyone?) the Julia Roberts/Patrick Bergin film SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY from 1991. The new couple even go to a funfair and everything and try on silly hats. Well, one hat, but it is a bit silly as it's a baseball cap, so there.

I love SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY. It's one of my favourite chick-flicks. Maybe the film-makers in the case of THE CALLER would have been better off leaving out the supernatural element and making this a film about a woman who triumphs over domestic violence. They'd have needed a new title, obviously...

By the way, I couldn't fast-forward the trailers at the start of this film as the film wouldn't let me (booooooo...!). That's twenty minutes of my life I'll never get back...

Well, guys, these are four of the horror films I watched over Halloween 2016. I hope you've enjoyed my quirky take on them, haha. And don't despair because Halloween is over. Halloween is a state of mind, remember that, not just one calendar day. We horror fans can carry it around in our hearts with us all year round. Happy November...!

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO

 You can contact Sandra at:


http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com

























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