WOLF CREEK/ THE DESCENT/ CREEP/ THE CALLER: A GRISLY QUARTET OF 'MINI' HALLOWEEN HORROR FILM REVIEWS FROM SANDRA HARRIS. ©
WOLF CREEK. (2005) DIRECTED BY GREG
MCCLEAN. STARRING JOHN JARRATT, CASSANDRA MAGRATH, KESTIE MORASSI AND
NATHAN PHILLIPS.
Wow. This is a really violent movie,
with most of the violence in it being sexual and directed against women. That will
probably turn off some folks and greatly interest others, haha. It's
the story of three young backpackers, one bloke and two Sheilas (I'm
saying that because this is an Aussie film...!) who
have car trouble on a trip to Wolf Creek National Park and end up
getting a tow from a man who turns out to be every backpacker's
nightmare.
Everything a backpacker might ever have worried about is
all contained in this one man. In other words, welcome to Hell, ye
dopey feckin' backpackers...!
The Man
is played by John Jarratt, a nice big burly Aussie actor who many
moons ago had a big role in one of the best and scariest films to
ever come out of Australia, namely Peter Weir's PICNIC AT
HANGING ROCK (1975).
I
actually thought that WOLF CREEK
was going in the same direction as PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK
when I saw the crater and the
bit about all the backpackers' watches stopping at the same time, but
then we see the flash of headlights and realise that a friendly
native has happened along to play the good Samaritan to three lost
lambs in trouble...
Brilliant
film, super-violent
and well worth watching if you think you've got the stomach for it. A
sequel came out in 2013 which I haven't yet seen, but I intend making
it my business to see it ASAP. I'm a big fan of John Jarratt's and I
was delighted to see him in such a 'meaty' role,
pun definitely intended...!
THE DESCENT. (2005) WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY NEIL MARSHALL.
STARRING SHAUNA MACDONALD, NATALIE MENDOZA AND NORA JANE NOONE.
This is a
pretty terrifying concept. Six female friends go spelunking and find
themselves trapped in a hellish underground kingdom of the... Well, I
can't say for fear of spoilers but let's just say that you wouldn't
want to bump into them down a dark alley in the middle of the
night...
Spelunking
means the practice of cave exploration, by the way. It's a
funny-sounding word, isn't it? If you take out two of its letters you
can end up with a very rude word indeed. See if you can work out what
it is, haha. Yes, yes, I'll get my mind out of the gutter now so please spare me any of your remonstrances...!
The
funny thing about this film is that, though it's set in 'Murica and
looks very 'Murican indeed (yes, having teased the Aussies
I thought it was time to poke some gentle fun at the Yanks...!), it
was actually filmed in good old Blighty (that's England!)
and the cave scenes were
actually filmed in Pinewood Studios near London. That seems almost
incredible, given how realistic the caves look.
The
first half of the film is a bit BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY-ish,
that is to say, six women all meeting up
for the first time in ages and knocking back the vino whilst
reminiscing about the old days and
wearing woolly socks with no shoes on and putting their feet up on each others' laps to indicate how relaxed they
are and how much fun they're having.
The
second half of the film sees the chums engaged in a vicious battle
for survival as the underground inhabitants of the caves they've
chosen to spelunk in (that still sounds funny to me...!)
make it clear that they don't much care for intruders. Except as
food, that is...
Two of the
women have unfinished business with each other as well that insists on rearing its ugly head
down in the caves and the result is a good scary film that will give
you nightmares if you're in any way claustrophobic. Or have a
terrible fear of indigenous cave-dwellers...
CREEP. (2004) WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY CHRISTOPHER SMITH. STARRING
FRANKA POTENTE AND SEAN HARRIS.
Apparently
inspired by a scene from AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON,
this is a gruesome little film
about a young German woman who gets herself locked into the London
Underground overnight and it's really all George Clooney's fault but
I won't tell you how it's
all George Clooney's fault. You'll have to watch the film to find
out, haha.
Any-hoo,
Kate (that's her name, don't wear it out...!) quickly
discovers that she's not the only person down there in the bowels of
the earth and that she's sharing her space with a wannabe-rapist, a
homeless couple and their little bow-wow, one bored security guard
and also, incidentally, an unspeakable evil. Oh yeah, you gotta have
an unspeakable evil in there somewhere! That's what makes a film
scary, see?
So, can
Kate find her way out of the maze of tunnels before the titular
'Creep' gets a hold of
her? What's with the spooky-looking underground clinic place, by the
way? Who operated there? And, more importantly, who exactly was
operated on...? And
will anyone ever use the London Underground again after seeing this
film? Unlikely, especially if the
security is really as lax as it is in the film, snigger.
This
film is a lot like THE DESCENT in
some ways but, again, you'll have to watch both films to find out
how. It has a few plotholes and the characters aren't exactly
likeable but it's a good gory flick that'll put you off public
transport for life and I'd definitely recommend it. PS, I'd never let
George Clooney f**k up my life
like that...!
THE CALLER. (2011) DIRECTED BY MATTHEW PARKHILL. STARRING RACHELLE
LEFEVRE AND STEPHEN MOYER.
This film had such potential. A
beautiful young woman called Mary (she has the most amazing head
of hair!) separates from her abusive husband, only to start
receiving nuisance phone calls from a weird woman when she moves into
her new apartment. When the caller turns out to be phoning from the
year 1979, things start to
look very promising indeed for the viewers. Unfortunately, it's not
long before we're disappointed. Bitterly disappointed, even.
The
film is just so damned confusing and
nothing really gets explained. Who exactly is this caller, for
example, and is she from Mary's past or just the past in general? And
if she's not from Mary's past, then what the hell is she doing poking
around in it willy-nilly? That's another word that makes me smirk.
Willy-nilly. It sounds
like willy, haha.
What
happens with Mary's new bloke John is ridiculous beyond words and
unbelievable. Ditto with George the gardener. It's not clear at all
what the film-makers are trying to do here. The ending is silly and
not exactly believable either. It's just such a shame. This film
could have been so good, if
only the creators had made things less confusing.
The
best bit of the film is the abusive husband storyline, which totally
recalls (total recall, anyone?) the
Julia Roberts/Patrick Bergin film SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY
from 1991. The new couple even
go to a funfair and everything and try on silly hats. Well, one
hat, but it is a
bit silly as it's a baseball cap, so there.
I love
SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY. It's
one of my favourite chick-flicks. Maybe the film-makers in the case
of THE CALLER would
have been better off leaving out the supernatural element and making
this a film about a woman who triumphs over domestic violence. They'd
have needed a new title, obviously...
By the
way, I couldn't fast-forward the trailers at the start of this film
as the film wouldn't let me (booooooo...!). That's
twenty minutes of my life I'll never get back...
Well, guys, these are four of the horror films I watched over Halloween 2016. I
hope you've enjoyed my quirky take on them, haha. And don't despair
because Halloween is over. Halloween is a state of mind, remember
that, not just one calendar day. We horror fans can carry it around
in our hearts with us all year round. Happy November...!
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA
HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
You can contact Sandra at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
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