17 December 2016



If I said the word 'teleportation' to you in a quick game of word association, I can probably guess what you'd think. You'd be instantly reminded of Jeff Goldblum successfully teleporting Gina Davis's nylon stocking from one teleportation machine to another in THE FLY, one of the greatest (and ickiest) horror films ever made.

Of course, merely teleporting Geena Davis's sweaty stocking isn't, in itself, going to advance the cause of science and technology a whole lot which is why, later in the film, Jeff Goldblum attempts- and achieves- something a little more momentous, heh-heh-heh.

You might also remember the brilliant TREEHOUSE OF HORROR episode of THE SIMPSONS which parodies THE FLY, in which Homer acquires a teleportation machine for next to nothing from Professor Frink (glavin...!) and Bart uses it to do a Seth Brundle, with hilarious consequences.

You may even think of Mike Teevee, the obnoxious telly-watching cowboy kid in WILLY WONKA AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY, who caused himself to be the first kid in history 'to be sent by television...!' You probably think he'd have benefited more from being the first kid ever to be chopped up, boiled in oil and eaten by cannibals, the cheeky little snot, but there you go. Things are what they are.

Now I forget what why we were talking about teleportation. Oh yes. I've just watched COUNTER CLOCKWISE, a rather excellent independent sci-fi-black-comedy-thriller, out on release now courtesy of ARTSPLOITATION FILMS, and it's all about the teleportation, folks. But allow me to be more specific, please. Ah, go on, allow me...!

Here's the deal. Ethan Walker, a cuddly, ginger-bearded chap with thick glasses and the freckly forearms that go with the territory (of being ginger), is a well-respected scientist who seems to fancy himself as a sort of modern-day Seth Brundle, Jeff Goldblum's character in THE FLY.

By which I mean, he's mucking about with teleportation machines to beat the band but. instead of Geena Davis's stocking, it's his adorable little puppy Charlie whose life he's selfishly risking. 

'Teleport yourself, asshole!' I shouted at my screen, appalled. 'Leave the poor little wuff-wuff alone!'

He must have been listening, this Ethan character, because he actually ends up taking my angrily-bellowed advice. Only, instead of merely teleporting himself from one place to another, he accidentally invents time-travel (it's so easy to do, isn't it...?) and catapults himself like a big eejit some six months into the future. Yeah, I know, wtf...?

It's not all sunshine and roses in the near future. Well, I never. To his horror, Ethan (aka The Running Man), discovers that Future-Him is accused of committing a crime so terrible he can barely get his ginger head around it, and the only way to change things is to go back into the past (which is really the present) and try to figure out who really done the thing what why he's accused of. I'm on a real THE SIMPSONS buzz today...!

The answer to Ethan's conundrum is out there somewhere, amongst all the teleplatforms, sequence reports, tracking devices and lines and lines and lines of incomprehensible computer coding. The words SYNDICATE RED and RAKUBIAN INTERNATIONAL may just get a mention too, but what the diddly-dickens does it all mean, folks? And, as Ethan only has a limited window of opportunity in which to solve his conundrum, things are set to get real heated real fast... Should've stuck with Geena Davis's saggy tights, mate.

Michael Kopelow, who co-wrote the movie, is excellent and utterly believable as the poor beleaguered scientist, all the more so because he looks like a nice normal everyday kind of guy
rather than some male-modelly type who can't resist checking his reflection in any mirrored surfaces he passes. Kopelow's performance is a good solid one and he should definitely keep up the writing and the acting. The Murderous Megalomaniac is terrific too. So deliciously evil...!

The pace of the movie gets so deliriously frantic at times, with Ethan hopping back and forth between the two different time-periods, that he actually ends up meeting himself coming back, which is an old Irish saying for what happens when you don't take the time to slow down and smell the roses as you travel through life.

At one point, Ethan even gives himself a damned good thrashing and abducts himself, which had me sniggering with genuine relish and gusto.

I loved the muscular and handsome Bruno Amato as the hired thug. He seemed to be enjoying that scene of necrophiliac rape much too much, haha. O-ho, now you're sitting up and paying attention, are you? Only paying lip-service while I drone on about genetic coding and sequence reports, but all eyes and ears now that something a bit more juicy's come along?

Just for that, I won't say another word about it, haha, you naughty bunch. You'll have to watch the film for yourselves to find out what I mean.

Ethan's wife and sister are surprisingly hot, given that- ahem- Ethan is the regular ginger-bearded and heavily-bespectacled chap that he is, and I love his ballsy mum Estella, who knows how to treat a son prone to wild and fantastical delusions of the mind that couldn't possibly be true. Or could they...?

There's also a rather interesting 'death-by-deckchair' scene and the guy at the water fountain is a real jerk-off, haha. The film has a terrific musical score and one of the songs is even sung by a band called LADY SCIENTIST, which obviously fits the bill down to a 'T.'

I also love that there are so many Moises in the cast and crew, making the film a real family effort. Films like this are often real labours of love that truly deserve to do well. COUNTER CLOCKWISE is as filled with gripping twists and turns as my mantelpiece is free of Pulitzer Prizes. I'd adore for it to do well. You guys can make it happen. Here comes the science bit, so concentrate!
Starting today, (Dec. 14th), Counter Clockwise is available on the following VOD sites:
Starting today, (Dec. 14th), Counter Clockwise is available on the following DVD sites::

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:


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