9 October 2017

ARROW ACADEMY PRESENTS: THE UNTAMED. (2016) REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS.




THE UNTAMED. (2016) DIRECTED BY AMAT ESCALANTE. STARRING RUTH RAMOS, JESUS MEZA, KENNY JOHNSTON, SIMONE BUCIO, EDEN VILLAVINCENCIO. ANDREA PELAEZ AND FERNANDO CORONA. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

Holy Mother of Jaysis. This Spanish-language erotic sci-fi/horror film has a sex-alien in it. An honest-to-God, multi-tentacled sex-alien as terrifying and potent as anything Lovecraft could have dreamed up, but with undoubtedly more penis-power. Ahem.

Why don't we start at the beginning, traditionally an excellent place to start...? What do I care that you guys'll only be killing time until I get back to talking about the sex-squid, haha. I know you lot. Filthy minds some of ye have there. Anyway, are we all sitting comfortably? Then we'll begin...

Alejandra is a South American housewife living in the modern times of flatscreen tellies and smartphones. She's young and attractive but worn out from holding down a job in her mother-in-law's factory and minding her two little boys without much help from her surly and selfish hubby, Angel.

You guys wanna know exactly how much of a selfish pig Angel really is? I can tell you a little bit but not everything, wanna leave some stuff for you to find out for yourselves when you watch the movie, and watch it you all must. The prick is having a majorly durrty sexual affair behind Alejandra's back with someone who's very close to Alejandra. When she finds out who it is, it'll be a real body-blow, I'm telling you.

In the meantime, Alejandra has made a friend called Veronica. They look quite alike, both good-looking, dark-haired young Mexican women, so I got them both a bit mixed-up at first. I don't know why film-makers do that. They should always assume that people are thick and get easily confused, like me, haha, and they should always try to keep things simple.

We don't know what Veronica's deal is exactly, but we do know that, every now and then, she goes to visit two long-time friends, a quiet middle-aged couple, maybe academic professors or something like that, in the middle of a beautiful forested area in the middle of nowhere. The scenery is gorgeous and so lusciously green in their neck of the woods.

We know that Veronica gets naked and horny in the couple's barn every time she visits her pals and we see a tentacle slithering away just out of sight of the camera. A tentacle? God Almighty. Each time she, or anyone else, goes there, we learn a little more about just what it is that's lodging in the couple's garage-thingy, presumably rent-free as well...!

We know that Veronica is trying to keep away from the place. She's trying to wean herself off of it the way you'd try to give up smoking or boozing but she can't and, in fairness, I don't honestly feel that she tries very hard. If she really wanted to quit, surely she just could. Couldn't she...?

She also acts as a sort of pimp for the Creature (What? You've already guessed that it's a creature, right?) by procuring not one, not two, but three more sex partners for it. One of them will have the ride of their f***ing life. The other two may not be so lucky...

I've been sitting here prior to writing this review, trying to work out if I would ever be tempted to utilise the services of such a Creature for myself, say if I were going through a sex-drought or something like that. There's no shame in a sex-drought.

A sex-drought can happen to anyone, even to Ross Geller in FRIENDS. Remember FRIENDS? Great show, that was. Ross had a sex-drought once, for three whole months. Only three piddly months? Coulda been worse, Rossy baby. Coulda been a lot worse...

Anyway, the answer to my own question, would I do it, is yes, but I would have to be blind drunk, to the point that I didn't know whether I was coming or going. I'd be too scared to do it sober, that's for sure. It might be handy, though, to see if the Creature could be trained to do little jobs around the house as well as doing all the sexual servicing stuff as well.

Clear out the-cupboard-under-the-stairs, paint the bathroom and take out the rubbish, then ride me ragged and bring me a cup of tea in time for EastEnders. I could live with that. I might even be able to dispense with men and their utter bulls**t altogether if I had one of
those lads. With so many tentacles as well, multi-tasking, far beyond the reach of most human males, would be a piece of piss.

I liked Alejandra and I thought that she handled her husband's disgrace and his mother's betrayal and bad behaviour very bravely indeed. Her abusive, cheating rat of a husband has only got himself to blame for his troubles and woes but the question is, will he bring Alejandra and the kids down with him too...?

I even liked Veronica as well, strange as she undoubtedly was, and was rooting for her to find happiness of a sort with the guy she met at the diner, the nice normal bearded guy with all the hunting dogs.

But no, why would she want to go and do a nice normal thing like that when she can go to a friend's draughty old barn and have out-of-this-world sex with a Creature from, literally, another planet...? You tell me, dear readers. You tell me...

PS, Here, this'll give ye a laugh. Sing the following lines out loud to the tune of 'SEX-BOMB' by Tom Jones:'Sex-Squid, Sex-Squid, You're my Sex-Squid, I'd go out and buy you if I had a million quid...!'

Well, it sounded funny in my mind...

THE UNTAMED is on release (Blu-Ray and DVD) from TODAY, 9th October 2017, courtesy of ARROW ACADEMY and FETCH PUBLICITY. Includes Special Edition Contents.



AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:

http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO

You can contact Sandra at:


http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com







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