26 January 2018



'It's great to see a guy with such a normal face...'

This is a cracking little indie horror comedy that lost me a bit towards the end, but I'm not holding that against it at all. I thoroughly enjoyed SHE RISES, even if there were parts of it that confused and befuddled me. Isn't that a lovely word, befuddled? It sounds like cuddled.

Anyway, this is one of your horror films where a couple-a dopey peeps get lost while driving irresponsibly in the dark through countryside they wouldn't recognise if it got up and started dancing while repeatedly chanting its own name, as in, this is Babylon, Florida, welcome y'all to Babylon, Florida...!

The couple in question are a most intriguing pair. Kat, a stunning blonde with great tits and legs, could easily do porn, she's so built for it. No offence meant there, by the way. She's just such a total knockout. She's the driver of the car and also the director of a film that's supposed to be starring her co-passenger and sometimes-lover Connor, a grade-A a**hole if ever there was one.

Attention-seeking, narcissistic, opinionated and gobby, Connor is a nightmare and the image of a married man I got tangled up with in my mis-spent youth. Therefore, I spent the whole film simultaneously being hopelessly attracted to the selfish, middle-aged prick and also wanting him to be dropped into a pool of angry piranha. Don't ask me. I can't explain it either...!

Kat and Connor spend the car-ride bemoaning the lack of real men in the movie world nowadays. This is a subject dear to my own heart. Where are all the Robert Mitchums, the John Waynes, the Glenn Fords, the Van Heflins, the Humphrey Bogarts? Yeah, and what about the Steve McQueens, the Joseph Cottens, the Alan Ladds, the Ernest Borgnines and the Burt Lancasters? Don't even get me started on what's taking their place today.

Anyway, the car breaks down or they get lost or something and it's dark and they go up to this house and, like, knock on the door and stuff. The crazy lady who opens the door is called Rosebud (someone likes their CITIZEN KANE...!) and she's truly one of a kind.

A quaint little country girl with a quaint little country girl flowery dress and a quaint little country girl accent, Rosebud is something else altogether. She's a spectacular-looking woman, with fabulous red hair, red full lips and huge Bette Davis eyes.

In fact, she looks like the love-child of Bette Davis and Susan Sarandon (ironically, as Susan Sarandon recently played Ms. Davis to perfection against Jessica Lange's Joan Crawford in drama series FEUD) with more than a bit of Julianne Moore thrown in.

She's full of irritating inspirational sayings like Miracles are what happen when you get out of your own way and A mind is like a parachute; it works better when it's open. And let's not forget that if you don't love the Universe, the Universe can't love you.

She's like a walking Facebook post, this one. I prefer when she tells Connor that she'd 'like to come back as a fly' and the sleazy actor counters instantly with: 'Then I'd love to come back as a piece of shit...' Cute. Very cute. You're already well on your way, buddy, lol.

The oily, unctuous Connor is immediately in there like a rat up a drainpipe. You're so beautiful, I love you, I want to fuck you, he's telling Rosebud the minute Kat has to leave the room to go to the toilet. Two-timing prick, seriously. There are two main obstacles to the true love that's blossoming for Rosebud in Connor's trouser area.

One of these obstacles is Rosebud's Daddy, the hideously unattractive Daddy Long-Legs, played by Michael Biehn, the real-life husband of the gorgeous Jennifer Blanc-Biehn who plays the long-suffering Kat. They make a good-looking and talented couple, these two, both of them being producers as well as the parents of five sons. Don't mind lil' ol' Daddy Long-Legs, trills an excited Rosebud. 'I allus lock him in his room at night...!' Oh. Well, that's all right then. I guess...

The other obstacle to the course of true love is the fact that Rosebud is, in fact, crazy as a loon and Kat and Connor are taking their lives in their hands by spending the night at her fun-house. When Connor, who incidentally fancies himself as a bit of a Shakespearean expert, unwisely offers Rosebud the part of a succubus in their upcoming horror movie, the fun and games really start...

The rest of the film is a maelstrom of sexy lesbian nudity, dream sequences, role reversal and the distinct feeling that you're losing your marbles. Oh, and there's a tubby pregnant man in a ridiculously short pink nightie. A lady's ridiculously short pink nightie. Such as a lady might wear. Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound, isn't that what they say? You gotta get into the spirit of the thing.

The film-makers here clearly love films and the history of the cinema. There are fun little homages to stone-cold horror classics like PSYCHO and THE SHINING on offer as well as a pretty encyclopaedic knowledge of movie background.

I loved the whole thing, despite its becoming a little chaotic towards the end. Still, what's a little chaos amongst friends? SHE RISES is great craic and a terrific little indie horror comedy flick to boot. Seek it out immediately and watch it. It's got two gorgeous female leads and Connor, a thorn (or prick!) between two roses, provides the comic relief. Sorted, innit...?


Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:


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