Showing posts with label blu-ray release. Show all posts
Showing posts with label blu-ray release. Show all posts

19 November 2017


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Have you had any sex lately? Excuse my asking in such a forthright manner, only it's such an interesting question to have answered. Also, it's the whole premise of this brilliant sex-comedy by Takeshi Kitano or Beat Takeshi, the iconic Japanese comedian, television personality and master screenwriter and film director.

The film is made up of a series of extremely funny comedic sketches, all linked together by the lead character's over-riding (excuse the pun!) desire to have sex with anyone who'll have him. The film title means literally 'Is everyone doing it?' and this is how it appears to Asao, the leading man. Everyone's having sex but Asao. Leastways, that's how it seems.

Asao is a thirty-five-year-old male who's quite possibly still a virgin. Certainly he still lives at home with his ancient grandfather. His deadpan and kind of goofy-looking face (much like Takeshi Kitano's own comic kisser) make him the perfect choice for the lead role here.

After watching a movie in which the lead male gets laid after offering a beautiful woman a lift in his fancy car, Asao decides that getting a car is the only way to go. After rather hilariously test-riding a jalopy in a local car showroom, he comes away with a vehicle of his own, only to find that the women in real life are not as willing to have car-sex as the chicks in the flicks.

He decides then that being rich will guarantee him all the pussy he could ever need. He has these terrifically funny fantasies in which he imagines that guys who fly first-class on aeroplanes get all kinds of sexy extras from the air hostesses which he calls 'in-flight service.'

He misguidedly thinks that robbing a bank will provide him with all the dosh he needs to become a proper fanny-magnet. All his attempts to rob the local banks go tits-up. If he'd put as much effort into finding a job and working his way up the career ladder as he does into his crazy schemes to get-rich-quick, he'd have been a millionaire by now and had all the women he could have handled. He turns to acting too, mistakenly thinking that actors get the royal treatment from the ladies but guess what? It doesn't work out. No shit, Sherlock...!

The funniest part of the film is probably when an aeroplane fiasco leads to his becoming an 'accidental hitman' for an effeminate, cross-dressing Yakuza boss. The scene where the chap is splitting the atom with his superlative swordsmanship is laugh-out-loud funny. 'It's just a hand' is a line that I'll be giggling at for some time to come. That, and the immortal words 'I'm bashful' during the birthday cake scene...

What makes this film stand out above other run-of-the-mill comedies is that it's Beat Takeshi's way of parodying nearly every genre of film ever made, and he does it so well. Takeshi denies that he's done this at all but, with the greatest of respect, he's fibbing...! Naughty Takeshi Kitano.

Individual films that I spotted being parodied were BLAZING SADDLES, David Cronenberg's THE FLY, GHOSTBUSTERS, LONE WOLF AND CUB, THE INVISIBLE MAN and any film ever made of the GODZILLA story.

Whole genres of cinema queuing up to have the piss taken out of them include the Yakuza movies, the old Samurai films, spaghetti Westerns, the wonderful old sci-fi B-movies from the 'Fifties and even porn movies. The scenes where an invisible Asao is gleefully watching pornos being made are pretty damned funny.

Takeshi Kitano cameos here as the scientist who willingly renders Asao invisible so that Asao can become a peeping Tom anywhere that women are stripping off (check out the scene in the public women's baths) or having sex and he, the Scientist, can win the coveted Nobel Prize for Science-y things. Seriously, with such a foolproof plan, what could possibly go wrong...?

Takeshi Kitano proves how well he knows his music by parodying the scene in Michael Jackson's video for his single 'BEAT IT' in which two rival gangs face off against each other in an abandoned warehouse. The bit where Asao's Yakuza are all facing the wrong way is pretty
f**king priceless.

Incidentally, it's sad that videos for songs are no longer the mini-works of art they used to be in the 'Eighties and even the 'Nineties. I don't even know if bands these days make videos for all their songs or if it's all just about being Number One in their precious iTunes chart and nothing else.

God be with the days of the real MTV, where they played proper music videos all day long instead of a million stupid episodes of shows like SIXTEEN AND PREGNANT back-to-back. Okay, rant over. Normal service will be resumed shortly. I bloody well hope so, anyway...

So, does Asao ever 'get any,' or does he end this brilliant movie as sexless as when he started it, with his poor wiener still unmilked by female mouths or lady-parts with the suction power of the latest model of Hoover? 

I couldn't possibly comment, obviously, for fear of the dreaded spoilers, but let's just say that there's probably more chance of this over-worked, solitary writer 'getting any' than there is of Asao getting the ride for himself.

GETTING ANY? is out now on special Blu-Ray release from THIRD WINDOW FILMS. It comes with a very funny interview with the great director in which he reveals what he thinks is the best kind of car for having sex in, why the Japanese as a nation love toilet humour so much and whether or not he's ever appeared naked on Japanese television and then been subsequently banned from it for months as a result. Much like the way Krusty the Klown's career got started on THE SIMPSONS...!

I just love 'GETTING ANY?' Go out and buy it for yourself and maybe you can get some too. Or, if you're not 'getting any' and haven't been 'getting any' for some time, it might just make you feel better about it. Well, that's my story anyway and I'm sticking to it...


Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:

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