PACT WITH THE DEVIL and PARANORMAL ENTITY 2: GACY HOUSE: A RANDOM PAIRING OF HORROR FILM REVIEWS BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
PACT WITH THE DEVIL. (2004) BASED ON THE NOVEL 'THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY' BY OSCAR WILDE. DIRECTED BY ALLAN A.
GOLDSTEIN. STARRING MALCOLM MCDOWELL, ETHAN ERICKSON AND JENNIFER
NITSCH.
PARANORMAL ENTITY 2: GACY HOUSE aka
8213 GACY HOUSE. (2010) DIRECTED BY ANTHONY FANKHAUSER. STARRING JIM
LEWIS, MATTHEW TEMPLE, MICHAEL GAGLIO, BRETT A. NEWTON, DIANA
TERRANOVA, SYLVIA PANACIONE AND RACHEL RILEY.
Saturday night may be all right for
fighting, as Elton John once commented in song, but it's even better
for curling up with a mate watching bad horror movies and quaffing
cheap Tesco wine. A modest number of SNICKERS bars
may come in handy also, to satisfy any possible chocolatey needs which may crop up.
That's how I spent last night,
anyway, and the two films we watched have little to connect them
except that they could both be considered examples of how not
to make a horror film.
Yeah, I know. Miaow....! That's right, folks. Like the Germans in the episode of THE SIMPSONS where they take over Mr. Burns' power plant, I'm not always all 'smiles und sunshine...'
PACT WITH THE DEVIL at
least makes an effort to present the viewer with a cohesive
narrative. The delightfully bitchy Malcolm A
CLOCKWORK ORANGE McDowell
plays the titular devil here, albeit disguised as a top fashion model
agent called Henry Wooten.
Lewis,
later to change his name to Dorian, is the dopey fashion-shoot
'go-for' whom Henry decides has the potential to go all the way to
the top as a male model. He's right, as it happens. He's even
right-er, if
there is such
a word, about something else of even more importance...
Dorian is
more than eager to make the deal with the devil that sees him
retaining his youth and beauty forever, while a picture taken of him
by a top fashion photographer grows old and ugly instead. Every time
Dorian commits yet another act of depravity, the picture grows a
little more hideous. Oscar Wilde was really onto something there with
that terrifying concept!
There
have been much better versions of 'THE PICTURE OF
DORIAN GRAY,' such as the
one from the 'Forties where the world-weary, cynical Henry is
superbly played by George Sanders, who was surely born to be the
master of the sarcastic bon mot.
There's also a more recent one in which Colin Firth more than ably plays the
role of Henry. It's a visually gorgeous version that I enjoy just as
much as the old 'Forties one. I can't remember who plays Dorian in it
but I have a terrifying vision of Keanu Reeves in my head, I know
it's not him but he's all I can picture right now, which is
disturbing. Shudder...!
Anyway,
PACT WITH THE DEVIL is,
sadly, not remotely scary. It was made in 2004 but it has a really
dated 'Nineties vibe about it. The guy who plays Dorian is blanker
than his portrait and the whole film is a bit of a turkey that the
presence of Malcolm McDowell is almost powerless to elevate.
Still,
at least we're familiar with the story and we can follow it. That's
probably the film's sole saving grace. Although I liked the bit when Dorian had sex with that Eurotrash slut amidst the castles of Bavaria with her kinky millionaire hubby's consent, that bit was fun.
PARANORMAL ENTITY 2: GACY HOUSE is
a much worse film, haha. Apologies for my bluntness but it's true! It
should have been such a good found-footage movie, though, as the story of serial
killer John Wayne Gacy is one of the most chilling of all the serial
killer stories.
This rather unprepossessing heavy-set chap, who played a clown at parties, lured thirty-three
teenage boys onto his property in Illinois between 1972 and 1978. The
boys were all murdered and many of them were buried in the
crawl-space of Gacy's home, an absolutely horrific end for anyone to
have to suffer.
In
one episode of THE SIMPSONS, the
Bullies all go to see a horror movie called 'CRAWL-
SPACE.' It's so scary that, when
it's over, either Dolph or Jimbo comments: 'Aw, why'd I
have to see this movie the day before I'm s'posed to clean out the
crawl-space...?' Why,
indeed. That's the reaction we're looking for here, by the way.
And
that's the point I'm making here. A crawl-space is a frighteningly claustrophobic concept to most people. So why would a movie purporting to be about
the crawl-space in the house built on the site where Gacy's house
once stood (the original house was razed to the
ground) not only not be
scary at all, but also not feature any footage of the crawl-space
whatsoever? It's a mystery to me.
The
group of ghost-hunters looking for footage of paranormal activity in
the house just seem to run madly all over the place, the camera
angles tilting ever more wildly all the time. Apparently, the wilder
the camera angle, the more that panic and chaos is implied, of
course, but here I just found it annoying. It was hard enough to
figure out the plot as it was, and I'm using the word 'plot'
loosely here, possibly
more loosely than I've ever used it before...!
Nobody
went in the f***ing crawl-space. One woman stuck her head in and that
was that. There was a lot of talk about going up to the attic but I
don't think anything creepy happened up there, or at least if it did,
we don't know. Someone should have gone through that goddamn
crawl-space with a fine-tooth comb and been paralysed with fear by
what they saw there. That never happened...
The
funniest character was this phony psychic who went around the house
looking for signs of a spiritual presence. With her fake blonde
extensions, fake puffed-up lips and big fake titties, she totally
looked like a porn star trying to break into acting. I can just
imagine the conversation this actress might have had with the
director:
DIRECTOR: 'So, um, are you okay
with taking your top off for us then...?'
ACTRESS: 'Honey, I sure as shit
ain't okay with keeping it ON...!'
In
one scene, this bleached-blonde bimbo is flung against a wall by a paranormal
presence. She gets wounded on the left tit, nowhere else, and, boy,
does that camera linger
on her massive mammary for as long as it dares...!
In
another equally hilarious scene, the paranormal presence actually
whips her top completely off, leaving
her to finish her ridiculous incantations or whatever they are
topless. Naturally, our heroine doesn't seem to mind this at all.
I wouldn't
mind all this gratuitous nudity myself usually but... excuse me for
being picky here... wasn't John Wayne Gacy supposed to be into guys?
Why would he whip the top off a big-boobied female? It don't make a
lick of sense, no-how. Except that the director sure wasn't gonna let
these silicone beauties go to waste. I suppose you can hardly blame
him. Ya gotta work with whatcha got, don't ya?
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA
HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based novelist, film blogger and movie reviewer. She has studied Creative Writing and Film-Making. She has published a number of e-books on the following topics: horror film reviews, multi-genre film reviews, womens' fiction, erotic fiction, erotic horror fiction and erotic poetry. Several new books are currently in the pipeline. You can browse or buy any of Sandra's books by following the link below straight to her Amazon Author Page:
http://www.amazon.com/-/e/B015GDE5RO
You
can contact Sandra at:
http://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com
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